Two Of A Kind
by Redblade
Summary: What happens when a foul-mouthed Jashinist meets a Catholic priest lost from his own world? And why does Pein want to recruit him? A Trinity Blood/Naruto crossover written co-op with WolfSoul7. Rated M for Hidan and ...to be safe.
1. Prologue: Worlds Collide

**Redblade: **Ok, firstly, this DOES belong here! Most of the story WILL happen in Naruto world! Oh, and watch the marvellous trailer by WolfSoul7 (link is in my profile).  
**WolfSoul7:** Check out my profile too, and remember that **_we DON'T own Naruto or Trinity Blood_**. (If I owned them Gaara & Tres would have a looooooooot more screen time. And someone would dig Hidan up.)  
**RB:**Yea, we got the idea... *rolleyes* Let's just begin with the story.

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**1. Prologue: Worlds Collide**

Cardinal Caterina Sforza, Duchess of Milan, the Minister of Foreign affairs for Vatican Papal State, and His Holiness the Pope's older sister, sat in her office and rubbed her aching temples. She'd spent the last two hours trying to make her half-brother, cardinal Francesco di Medici, realise that including any inquisitors to the current operation would result in nothing good. The man had been adamant but fortunately Caterina had managed in prolonging the argumentation long enough to receive a report.

_"His Holiness secured. Proceeding to continue clean-up."_

Father Tres was always reliable, but now it had been nearly an hour since the cardinal heard a thing from her agents and she was slowly getting a feeling of dread. After all, the Rosenkreuz Orden was not to be taken lightly.

The lady known as 'the Woman of Steel' took off her monocle and gently rubbed the bridge of her nose, letting out a rare sigh.

"_Your Eminence?_" a clear voice with only a hint of artificial origin rang through the room. "_Are you well?_"

The cardinal raised the monocle back to her eye and gave the holographic nun who had appeared in front of her desk a small smile. "Don't worry, sister Kate, I'm quite alright. I hope you have good news to report." Caterina fixed her gaze onto the nun.

"_As father Tres earlier reported, His Holiness is perfectly safe. A little while ago brother Petro of the Department of Inquisition arrived to serve as an escort on his way back to the Vatican. The Rosenkreuz has pulled back and we're currently estimating the damages._" sister Kate reported, her frame occasionally flickering under the cardinal's gaze.

Caterina noted the unusually frequent flickering and the gentle nun's uneasiness. "Sister Kate. What are the bad news?"

"_Oh, um... you see, father Abel..._" the nun nervously fidgeted with the hem of her habit and shook gently her head."_I'll send a video feed, just a moment._" The nun's frame vanished and after a while it was replaced with a grainy image of a destroyed vineyard near Firenze. As the picture zoomed down a figure lying on the ground was revealed to the cardinal's eyes.

Father Abel Nightroad, codename Crusnik, was sprawled on the trampled ground, surrounded by a halo of bluish inonised air. His skin showed a shade of gray and his silvery-white hair stood up like a crown. None of this would have been really surprising if the priest wasn't clearly unconscious. And as far as Caterina knew Abel was never out cold unless something was really, _really_ not well. And his other form _never_ stayed activated should the priest fall unconscious.

"What caused this?" the cardinal forced her tone of speech to a clear and near indifferent one even though worry clouded her mind.

"It has not been a hundred percent confirmed," father Tres' monotone voice reported, "but according to the gathered info it seems the enemy's real target was father Nightroad."

Caterina blinked. Twice. "So the abduction of His Holiness was merely... a ruse to lure him out?"

"Affirmative."

At this point sister Kate's voice cut in. "_The Professor believes father Abel was injected with something. He said it was nothing to worry about and is currently adjusting a gadget of his to work with medium-to-long range._" The nun sounded confident in her colleague's abilities.

After a little while the Professor, father William Walter Wordsworth, appeared to the picture with a device resembling an alien bazooka. He paid his respects to the cardinal and then proceeded to settle his load onto the ground.

"Professor, if you don't mind explaining, what exactly is that?" Caterina asked with mild interest.

The aging man beamed to the blonde cardinal. "Ah, I'm glad you asked. I came up with it a little while ago after having a most interesting conversation with a fellow professor concerning the differences in human and vampire immune systems. You see, for instance, silver nitrate is a deadly toxin to vampires and for us humans it only poses a harm in very large quantities. I have-"

"Yes professor, I'm sure that it's very interesting, but what exactly are you going to do with father Abel?" the blond cardinal interrupted the older man.

"Oh, do forgive me your eminence, it seems I got a bit carried away." the priest smiled mildly and returned to the apparatus, dialling some numbers and adjusting a switch. "The basis of the process utilises ultra-sonic and infrared waves combined with de-stabilised ionical pulses which react within the body and force the foreign substance out. Unfortunately, I've still to name it." The professor smiled triumphantly and gave the device an affectionate pat as it started humming.

Caterina's gaze automatically focused back to the form of the still-unconscious crusnik, eager too see him stand up and give everyone his trademark apologetic grin. As the device fired there was a flash that forced everyone to close their eyes - even father Tres had to readjust his optical sensors. As soon as they could everyone returned their attention to Abel, or to where the silver-haired priest was supposed to be. There was a moment of silence.

"Professor." The cardinal's tone was ominously light as her eyes scanned the landscape. "Would you care to explain what exactly did you just do to father Nightroad?"

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**WS7:** So that was the prologue. Do let us know your opinions, reviews are damn well welcome.  
**Abel:**Umm... what did you do to me?  
**WS7:** You'll learn in the next chapter... I think. We don't know exactly when... but you will fucking learn.  
**RB:** Anyway, to be continued in chapter 1: **Wherever I May Roam**. Reviews make it come faster ~.^


	2. Wherever I May Roam

**Redblade:** Here it is, at last! Chapter 1 of Two of a kind!

**Abel: **Thanks for reviewing:

itachi159159

HevanHelpUs45

AtticusBlackwolf

and the two anonymous ones too!

**WolfSoul7:** Enjoy the chapter! Abel fans, this is for you!

**Rb:** Oh, and Anonymous, about that, Wolfie was all about keeping him as a pet instead but…

**WS7:** What!? He's cool! _And_ cute.

**Rb:** Yes yes, we all know that. *rolleyes* Anyway, we thought that since it _is_ a TB/Naruto crossover, it kinda needs him…

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**2. Wherever I May Roam**

Cool air tickled his nose, shuffling his hair around on the soft grass where he laid. The air smelled crisp and clean, like just after a rain, but the ground wasn't wet. Ever so slowly father Nightroad opened his ice blue eyes realising he clearly wasn't at the vineyard anymore, but lying on soft green grass in the middle of a forest clearing. He sat up.

"Tres? Sister Kate? Professor?" the priest called out. The only answer came from a tiny flock of sparrows taking flight from a tree. Abel's eyes followed the carefree birds until they were hidden by the treetops. With a flare of desperation he tapped his earpiece in vain. There was nothing, not even static. The normally over-enthusiastic priest's mood sank. He was all alone in the middle of an unfamiliar forest with absolutely no idea how he'd gotten there or which way would lead him back to Rome. And to make the matter worse, his current equipment consisted of nothing but the most essentials on a crucial and short-warning mission. Basically what he had was a fistful of colourfully wrapped candy, the Holy bible, his Peacekeeper and two extra clips, five cubes of sugar, a lighter, a dried red rose bloom and, sigh, four dinars. Oh, and safely tucked in a secret pocket in his coat were three glass vials filled with vampire blood, but to be quite honest the gentle priest didn't want to think of them.

"Our Father, who art in heaven, why do You try me so?" Abel prayed, his demeanour absolutely miserable as he fixed his glasses and tied up his hair as it was supposed to be. In an almost successful attempt of cheering himself up the priest popped one of the sugary cubes into his mouth as he set off on a whim after the birds. Who knows, they might have been set there for divine guidance.

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Cardinal Caterina Sforza's office in the St. Angelo castle was oozing tension. Less than 24 hours ago one of the AX's best agents had been confirmed to be MIA, and the man standing in front of the polished desk and suffering the full force of the Woman of steel's infamous glare of displeasure was the cause of it. True, he wasn't the original and sole cause but he most definitely provided the means to an end. Safe to say, Caterina hadn't been this infuriated with any of her subordinated in years.

"Professor." her voice was dangerously calm and smooth, like a deadly blade covered only with the thinnest layer of silk. Should she use that kind of a tone in the cardinals' meetings her struggles would be history as no one would dare to oppose her. "I expect that you have formulated a plan to return father Nightroad from wherever it is you sent him to?"

The man chewed lightly on his pipe, furrowing his brows and trying his best to ignore his superior's glare. "I have a grasp of what caused the mishap at the vineyard but locating Abel will be fumbling in the dark, at least for now. But if I can have enough time I believe I'll be able to trace the ionical residue and most likely eventually even invert the pulse."

The woman nodded slowly. If anyone, it was William who could perform such a task. "This is urgent. How long do you need?"

"I'd say at least two months just to track and analyse the residue so that I'd be able to recreate the phenomenon. And after that how long until I'll manage to locate and return Abel if he has, say, moved around? I have no idea." The professor never quite faced the cardinal's icy grey eyes.

"You have one month to recreate what happened at Firenze." Caterina let the words roll with practiced and ominous ease from her mouth, indicating only very slightly that complaints, and complainers, would be dealt harshly with. "After that you will have begun creating a way to, as you said, _'invert the pulse'_. And you will, of course, perform all necessary maintenance on father Tres before you send him to retrieve Abel. Is that clear?"

The professor nodded and sighed. Even if he'd work on this twenty-four seven he was after finishing bound to be buried up to his neck in boring essays that required grading. How jolly.

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Now this didn't look that promising. After hours of undisturbed journeying through the woodlands Abel had finally come across the first humans he met in this unfamiliar place - and they were all dead. There were about half a dozen of them, most clearly slain with sharp blades but one was a smoking pile of ash and bones and another was a morbid sight. Only the man's head was visible above the ground and his eyes had been gouged out. Thick blood oozed from the ruined sockets as well as from around the deep-sunken blade of an odd-shaped knife stabbed through his forehead deep into the skull. On the ground was a grey scarf with a sheet of metal attached, soiled by the murky substance slowly dripping onto it.

Abel swallowed the bitter taste rising to his mouth and recited a prayer. "_'Eternal rest, grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May the souls of the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen.'_" He didn't know what these people had believed in but it was only right to pray for the dead.

The priest then, after a while of contemplative silence, proceeded to the buried man. He gingerly touched the metal sheet, wiping just enough of the murky substance off to reveal a carved sign he'd never seen before. After examining the metal Abel moved his attention on to the knife stuck deep in the dead man's forehead. It had some sort of a ring at the rear end. Grimacing, he pulled the blade out of the man's cranium and barely avoided the greyish substance and blood slushing from the hole.

Suddenly Abel jerked to the side, only barely avoiding a fatal blow to his back.

"Blood on his hands! Murderer!" someone shouted and in a heartbeat the priest was showered with blows from every side, miraculously managing to avoid any serious damage. When he managed to slip away from the assaulters Abel already sported a variety of wounds all over his body, blood seeping to his hair and clothes. He noted there seemed to be about seven people, all with their faces covered.

"Please don't be so hasty!" the priest shouted, waving his hands in front of him frantically as the group split and charged at him. "I haven't done a-" Abel barely managed to duck before a barrage of some sort of throwing stars passed through the air where only a second before his face had been.

_Why do they _always_ have to be action type? Sigh. _The priest lifted his Peacekeeper and prayed. "Oh Lord, grant me thy protection."

Four shots echoed in the woods and two of the attackers fell, incapacitated, to the ground. A fleeting moment of surprise in his opponents - it seemed they'd never faced a gun before - granted the priest time to pull back but he was stopped by a tug on his ankle as he tried to turn. A look downward revealed a human hand thrusting from the ground with a vice-like grip of Abel's leg. In seconds a female body burst forth from the ground, wielding a katana. Abel could feel the blade slicing through his abdomen, piercing his liver and tearing through his right lung. The tip scraped a bone before stabbing through the back of his priest robes, soiled with blood. _His_ blood. It was pouring from the wound and dripping down his chin, colouring his hair a deep, dark crimson. It was as if time had stopped. The woman pulled the blade out and slowly earth rose to meet the falling priest.

Without a word the woman raised her bloodied blade high and, perhaps in a cruel act of mercy, swung it down hard in a graceful, deadly arc at the slowly dying man's neck.

_Clink._

At the last possible moment the sword was deflected and flown aside by blackness. A shield of steel-hard feathers the hue of ebony covered the priest's body like a protecting blanket. A hoarse voice whispered. "Nanomachine... Crusnik 02 limited activation... level 40%... Approved."

.§.

"Who are you? _What_ are you?" The woman, barely still conscious, coughed up the question to the silver-haired man. He'd been dying and now there wasn't even a scratch on his body. And her squad laid scattered around the clearing, broken, bleeding and out cold. None were dead but most wouldn't make it without near-immediate medical actions.

"Me?" Abel straightened his glasses, hiding his expression. "I'm just a wandering priest... carrying a sinner's mark."

The woman cracked a weary, bitter smirk in response. "Before I black out, can I at least have the name of the man who took out my squad, a whole of eight Iwagakure ANBU?" Her vision was fading to nothingness but she did catch the stranger's softly spoken words. She'd have to report to her real home, Ame...

"Crusnik... that's what he's called."

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**Abel:** You… you made me hurt people! *sob*

**Hidan:** Oi, when's my turn?

**WS7:** In the next chapter. And there will be a lot of _bloooooood!_ ^^3

**Rb:** Blood? Where!? *eyes gleaming*

**Abel:** Yea... anyway… the next chapter's called **Pain For Pleasure**. Sounds awfully violent…

**WS7:** Violent? It. Is. ART!!!!!

**Rb + Hidan:** *nodding*

**Abel:** *slips away*


	3. Pain For Pleasure

**Hidan:** Yosh! It's finally my turn! Be prepared, you fucking heathens!

**WolfSoul7: **Take it easy, Hidan. You'll get to kill soon. Before that, thanks for reviewing:

AtticusBlackWolf

Venus1120

Samurai89

**Redblade:** Enjoy the show! ;)

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**3. Pain For Pleasure**

It was definitely no drizzle. Water was pouring down from the skies and the clouds were so dark and heavy it could've as well been the middle of a night as early afternoon. Raindrops the size of acorns were tearing leaves and even small branches from trees and turned the well-cared roads to foaming streams. The powerful gales did nothing to make the weather easier for the forest. The trees were swinging and rumbling in unison and the winding road between them was more like a small muddy river than a way of travelling. One had to be insane to venture out in this weather.

Despite the roaring rainfall a beautiful yet eerie chiming carried several meters and could be heard long before the source of the voice was near enough to be sensed or seen. It was a person, wrapped in a black cloak with red cloud design and wearing a wide-brimmed conical straw hat low over his face. From the rim of the hat hung a tiny bell on a red thread. Its faint ringing sounded unnaturally clear in the midst of the raging nature.

Despite all the figure treaded silently through the woods, blending from one shadow to another as if being part of the darkness himself. Neither the beating rain nor the gushing wind managed to hinder his journey as the figure made its way determinately through the surrounding dark.

"Fucking rain! You'd think it's enough when the wind's blowing like a bloody _fuuton_ user gone mad but then it just has to be fucking pouring too! This weather sucks!"

Hidan, an immortal S-rank missing-nin from the small village of Yukagure, a member of the Akatsuki organisation and a loyal follower and priest of lord Jashin, the evil god of blood and slaughter, slowly made his way along the muddy pathway and cursed his bad luck. Just yesterday it had been nice and warm, the sky of the Fire country had been scattered with the occasional cloud to keep the sun at bay... and Hidan had had someone to annoy, just to kill time.

_Damn that Kakuzu. Took more than half of our fucking travel fare with him too! And curse that bloody Leader for appointing _him_ to do that fucking mission!_

Kakuzu, a solemn missing-nin from the Waterfall village and Hidan's usual partner, had been sent to a solo mission. According to the Akatsuki Leader it required 'in addition to good infiltration skills patience, ability to analyse and adapt to situations, and capability for clean and before all _inconspicuous_ action'. The requirements in question had never been Hidan's 'strongest parts' as the Leader had discreetly pointed out.

Kakuzu on the other hand had the required skills, and had been more than eager to set out once the discussion had moved towards the terms of payment, seeing as an outsider was willing to pay handsomely for the job.

Hidan made his way purposefully deeper and deeper to the dark churning woods, cursing as he went. The wind was tearing at his cloak and his hat would've flown with it a long time ago weren't the jashinist holding the rim tightly. This kind of lashing rain and mauling wind definitely weren't to his liking. When the weather was wet, cold and foul like this it made completing the jobs that much more trouble. But Hidan did have a mission to complete, no matter what Mother Nature had in store and regardless of his current lack of a partner. When Leader gave a mission, one had to complete that mission, period. Even though Hidan often objected when the jobs weren't to his liking and liked to test the limits of his partners in crime's tolerance, he eventually always did what he was ordered to.

Besides... The current mission pleased Hidan, not to mention that it fit him the best out of all the Akatsuki.

In addition to the hellish weather the missing-nin was tried by a muddy little stream and trees that had fallen across his path. They weren't a problem, nothing like that, but they did annoy him slightly.

_Man, I'm glad I'm almost there. Soon it'll be fucking work again... but I'll enjoy every bloody minute of it as if it'd be the last fucking thing I ever do!_

Hidan hurried his steps after jumping over an enormous tree trunk blocking his path. He couldn't wait to get to do what he best could and most enjoyed. Of course he'd have to pray first... Metallic prayer beads with a simple yet beautiful pendant, a circle with an upside down triangle in it, hanging from them swung back and forth as the jashinist ran along the side of the pathway towards his destination.

.§.

The rain showed no signs of subsiding even though it had been hours, and the wind tore branches off trees and sent them crashing down to the ground. Water flowed down the eaves of a tiny cottage. It was clearly meant to be slightly hidden by the trees even though the lights from the window of the welcoming little house shone through the woods to the road. There was nothing unusual about the cottage, it looked just like every other nice and secluded country house. And that it was, too.

But should a visitor have treaded the sludgy path to the cottage this rainy night they would've noticed the demolished door and understood something was wrong, even if they weren't ninja. Or even if they wouldn't see the dark red liquid mixing with the rainwater and swirling around in the puddles as if painting faint images to their surfaces.

Should one come closer they would spot a woman amidst the wreckage of the door. She was middle-aged and had three gaping wounds in her body, pouring a slow yet steady stream of dead blood out to the soaked ground.

Should one dare to go closer one would be able to peer in from the window despite the thick layer of splattered blood covering the glass from inside. The cosy kitchen-living room combination was in chaos. No piece of furniture or decoration was intact or even in one piece. Even the walls were torn and covered thickly with gore. The crimson flows made ever so slowly their way down along the scarred surface, forming grotesque patterns as if in mockery or just to amuse themselves.

There was a corpse hung on one of the walls. His hands and feet were nailed to the wall so that he hung about a meter from the floor. The area surrounding the corpse was splattered with thick red blood. It covered the walls and floor and even dripped down from the ceiling. Slowly it flowed down and away from between the floorboards.

It was clear the man had been still alive when he'd been hung to morbidly decorate the wall but a splintered board from the door stabbed through his abdomen spoke of an eventual relief.

Lying in a puddle of blood with a look of horror plastered onto his face for the rest of eternity was a boy, maybe 16 years old. He was untouched apart of a gaping hole in his stomach, tearing through his whole body like a pathway eaten by some large parasite.

In the midst of it all laid yet another person. A gory black metal spike impaling him, he rested on a sign drawn with blood. Smiling.

Hidan slowly pulled the metal spike out from his gut and sat up to admire his work. The gory sight pleased him and would surely please Jashin-sama as well. Leader would be happy too, for a job well done, and Kakuzu wasn't here to ruin the mood with his complaining about the ritual's length. All three of the fuckers inside were good and dead, bleeding like stung pigs, fulfilling a greater purpose than any of them would've in their miserable lives. The blood-soaked missing-nin was certain that Jashin-sama appreciated even these measly sacrifices, and at least the man hanging on the wall wouldn't ever try and cheat Akatsuki again. Nor would his friends...

Hidan cracked his neck and gathered his things from amidst the blood and wreckage. While heading out he looked back for the last time, throwing a scornful glance at the corpse on the wall.

_A disturbed monster, huh? No shit Sherlock!_

The Jashinist made his way to the door. It was still pouring out there and no sign of the stormy wind calming down. He huffed. Fuck the beastly weather!

The priest sent a final prayer to his cruel deity and set out to the path leading away from the shack which had only moments ago witnessed a morbid religious ritual. His form quickly dissipated to the darkness but the faint chiming of the tiny bell lingered for a long time after. The storm cloaked the forest with soaked blackness and only the fainter and fainter 'ching' floated eerily among its rage.

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**Hidan: **I'm just so damn badass.

**Rb:** *still mesmerized by the cottage*

**WS7: **You are! But we won't let you get off so easy anymore!

**Hidan: **What do you mean?

**Rb:** … … Oh, it's my turn, sorry! The next chapter's **Hero Of The Day**, and It'll be posted as soon as we get Abel out of the closet…

**Hidan:** Oi! Aren't you gonna answer me?!


	4. Hero Of The Day

**Redblade:** Sorry people, Abel just didn't want to come out of that closet…

**Abel:** *munching on a cake* Whah? I came ouh, didn'h I?

**WolfSoul7:** Yes and good thing you did! Now we can finally continue the story…

**RB:** But first, we'd like to present a virtual cookie to

Abhorsen21

for reviewing (that is, if Abel doesn't get it first…)

**Hidan:** Be prepared, suckers! XD

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**4. Hero of the Day**

Fiery orange brows furrowed ever so slightly in concentration laced with disbelief as piercing grey eyes scanned over the neatly-written report for the third consecutive time. Had he not known otherwise, the man known as a god would've sworn the report was nothing but a lousy joke, too unbelievable for anyone to fall for it. But it was true, there was no mistaking it.

It was like a puzzle, one with too many missing pieces to be properly put together. The stranger was definitely not a shinobi nor did he possess any detectable amounts of chakra and yet he'd apparently recovered from a fatal wound in those few seconds it had taken from him to wipe out an ANBU squad.

For the first time in ages the man who called himself Pein was intrigued. This... Crusnik would be a formidable addition to the Akatsuki. He could also be a dangerous enemy.

Actions had to be taken to make sure he would be an ally, and they would have to be taken quickly.

Pein scanned mentally through the options available and found them annoyingly lacking. Most members were currently on missions and those few who weren't, like Zetsu, didn't just have the necessary aura of reliability for recruitment. And on top of that there was the location of this Crusnik.

Were he not possibly the single most powerful person in the world (at least on the surface), Pein would have sighed. There was one member near the location. One member who wasn't actually doing anything important. The one member who was probably the _least_ fitting for this job among all Akatsuki.

The one member who had, in the last meeting, called him a delusioned lunatic...

A hint of what could be interpreted as a near-feral grin slowly made its way to the orange-haired man's normally emotionless face.

The one member he wouldn't tolerate another failure from.

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Hidan sneezed loudly. He so fucking _wasn't_ gonna get sick!

It had been a few days since the completion of his last mission and the immortal missing-nin was on his way to the nearest Akatsuki base, as the Leader had ordered. The storm had died ages ago and now the sun was clearly trying to make up for it, shining from a cloudless sky warmly and brightly for all dwellers on earth. Except for poor Hidan who couldn't stand the overly-bright sunshine.

"First it's so fucking stormy trees are bloody flying around and now that fucking ball of light's decided to shine brightly enough to fucking blind me!" the jashinist complained aloud while tugging his hat further down over his eyes. At least the annoying headgear had _some_ use...

The missing-nin strolled along the road with no apparent hurry. There were only a few kilometres before the nearest town and even though Hidan usually avoided great masses of people he'd decided to take it a bit easier and maybe eat proper food as much as the travel funds would buy him. Now that Kakuzu wasn't around to hang from the purse strings he'd actually have free access to what little he had.

_I could use it all just to annoy that money-loving slow-ass when he finally decides to come back from that fucking mission of his..._ The Jashinist priest grinned at the thought.

His face hidden beneath the straw hat Hidan didn't notice it at first but as he was passing it he saw it from the corner of his eye, contrasting sharply against the light-shaded ground. He halted and turned to take a good look at the odd sight.

It was lying on the roadside, black and without any comprehensible form, as if a textile merchant had dumped a bundle of cloth on the road while passing by. Hidan could've interpreted the pile as something like that, passed it and forgotten the whole thing in less than a minute. Nothing would've ever happened...

But there was one thing about the black pile that forcibly drew the jashinist's attention. It rumbled, and loudly enough to wake the dead.

Hidan stared blankly at the rumbling pile. Now that he paid attention to it he noticed it was also trembling slightly.

_What the fuck?_

The Jashin priest took a step towards the bundle, examining it from about a meter away. It made no reaction to his presence. Out of sheer curiosity towards what the hell this ...thing in fact was Hidan made a decision. Nearly faster than eye could follow he grabbed the scythe from his back and jabbed the black pile of fabric not-too-gently with the handle.

"Ow!" a slightly whiny voice sounded from the pile and suddenly a head covered with silvery hair emerged, an ice blue eye peering from behind round glasses in offence.

Hidan stared. The eye stared back. Slowly the jashinist put away his scythe and began walking away.

_Ok, it's just a fucking hallucination. If I ignore it…_

"Waaiiiiiit!!" The bundle had scrambled to its feet and sprinted after the slowly receding Hidan. "Don't go away!"

_It's a FUCKING HALLUCINATION! Ignore it!_ Hidan grinded his teeth.

"You're a human, right?" the whiny voice sounded hopeful. "Can you tell me where I am? Which way is the Vatican? Are there any rumours of an angry cardinal? Where can I get something to eat? Do they even use dinars here? Where is this place anyway?"

_It's STILL a. Fucking. Hal-_

"Oh, you don't speak Vatican standard? Albionic? _Français_? _Worüber Germanicus_? _B__elgili tanımlık impa__ratorluk dil_? _Quam super Latin_? Or maybe-"

"Just fucking shut the hell up!!!!" Hidan spun around, reaching for the handle of his scythe, and stopped. He was facing… a cross hanging on a black-clad chest. He looked up to see a somewhat apologetic face behind large round glasses. The strange, not to mention annoying, man seemed to be tall but scrawny, and unarmed.

"Oh, you do talk!" The stranger smiled, looking pleased.

Hidan blinked. Of all the fucking idiots in the world… He turned back around and resumed walking. "You're bloody annoying so just fucking go and disappear."

"But! But you're the first human alive I've met out here who hasn't tried to kill me! Don't go!"

Hidan really wondered himself why he hadn't just sacrificed the annoying bastard to Jashin-sama already.

"Hello? At least tell me where I am? Please?" The idiot just kept on pestering poor Hidan.

"Fire Country. Nearest village Kashiwa, 4 kilometres down the road. Now fuck off."

"Eh? Fire Country? Where's that? I am still in Europe, right? Is it a small place near the borderline? Or maybe it could be OW!" While the fucking idiot just kept talking, Hidan dug out his map and crumpled it to a small, hard ball. After a second of aiming the projectile hit the babbling idiot squarely in the face.

"There. Save your own sorry ass you fucking whine-monkey!" And Hidan took off full speed.

.§.

Abel scrambled up from the road where he'd retrieved his poor abused glasses and the map that not-too-friendly person had left him. The priest sneezed loudly, dusted his robes and finally opened the crumpled piece of paper.

"Now let's see… No, not that way." He turned the map right way up. "Ok then… ...Eh? This isn't a place I know!"

On the map the sea was in the wrong direction, the countries were all weird and wrong and…

"Eh? Where am I?"

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**WS7:** Aaaaaaand… They met! Two poor unfortunate souls! Do you have any comments, Abel and Hidan? ^^

**Hidan:** My life sucks and it's all your fault, you fucking c*cksucker heathens!

**?:** Clean up your language, Hidan.

**RB:** ! 3

**WS7:** Oh fucking no… Not you! .

**Pein:** You as well.

**Abel:** Eh? Who is he? What's going on?

**WS7:** You're not supposed to know yet. So… *hits Hidan with a big sketch book*

**Hidan:** OUCH! What was that for, bitch?!

**WS7:** *hits Hidan again* Cursing is fucking acceptable but just DO NOT use that kind of shitty words about us. You know that authors have ALL power… *evil grin*

**Pein:** It seems you've forgotten the responsibilities that come with that power… Oh well. As these idiots are _supposed_ to say, the next chapter is called **Are You The Rabbit?** and will be posted eventually. *leaves the building*

**RB: **What? He left already? T-T

**Abel:** *still doesn't get what's going on*


	5. Are You The Rabbit?

**Redblade:** *bows to readers* Sorry!! The summer went so fast and we had tons to do and I have matriculation exams coming up and…

**WolfSoul7: **And Hidan got a sunburn.

**Hidan: **Fuck you!

**WS7: **Yeah, Hidan, we love you too.

**RB: **…and due to all that and a bunch of other not-so-good excuses we haven't been updating for a while. But rest assured, we're here again!! =)

**Abel:** …for now…

**WS7: **To those without anything better to do: see if you can find some of our inside jokes from this chapter ;P

**RB:** And, as promised, these - (::) (::) (::) - are for

Abhorsen21

for reviewing. Thanks for not abandoning us.

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**5. Are you the rabbit?**

Ah, the luxury. A real bed instead of sleeping on the ground just because that fucking scrooge didn't want to pay. And proper food, not soldier pills and boiled fish, and all with the money Kakuzu had earned. Life couldn't be better.

Hidan set his scythe down on a table, threw his hat away, unclasped his cloak and yawned. He slowly made his way to the other side of the room and threw himself on the soft, comfy bed. Ah, the bliss.

"_Hidan."_ a calm, commanding voice echoed in the jashinist's head.

"For Jashin's sake! What the fuck do you want now?" Hidan yelled out loud, causing a poor innocent maid outside his door to nearly have a stroke.

"_You have a mission. A man known as 'Crusnik' must be recruited. He has been seen near your location."_

"Can't it wait? Just till tomorrow? I just fucking got here!"

Pein ignored the protest and sent a mental image of the target to Hidan.

Hidan was, to put it mildly, dumbstruck. "You. Fucking. GOT to be kidding me!"

"_It seems you've already met him. Good. Then it won't take long."_ And the presence faded.

"Oi! Wait, you fucking bastard!" But there was no answer.

Hidan realised his rest was short-lived and, well, his choice of words would've made a sailor blush crimson. Where the hell was he supposed to find that fucking idiot NOW?

.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.

Abel knew he was _so_ screwed. He'd have known it anyway, even if a couple of two-meter gorillas weren't dragging him upstairs. He'd known it the moment he'd finished his meal and noted that these people hadn't even heard of the Vatican, and even less of a currency known as dinars.

At the top of the staircase there was an ominously nondescript door. One of the gorillas opened it and the other called out into the room "We've got him, boss." and threw poor Abel in.

Abel quickly regained his nonexistent balance and looked around the finely-furnished room. There were expensive tapestries and a thick carpet. And in the middle of the room there was a polished writing table, and behind it sat a man, flanked by more bodybuilders. He was middle-aged and had black slick hair and tidy moustache. His eyes, black and dull, seemed to bore into Abel's skull and he was smoking a cigar. Slowly the man leaned forward and puffed a smoke ring which circled Abel's face, making him cough.

"Tell me, son, do you know why you're here?" The man had a soft, calm baritone, like black velvet. It somehow reminded Abel of an inquisitor… which was not good.

"Well, I didn't have the right kind of money?" Abel had a bad feeling about this.

"That's right." The man leaned back, exhaling a thin line of smoke and made an ominous pause. "You know, son… I'm going to be honest with you. I'm known as an honourable man. When people help me, I know how to return the favour, and when I dine in a restaurant, I always remember to pay the bill, and thank." The man leaned forward once again, examining his cigar. "You see, I've never been very fond of people who don't appreciate good manners. If you don't have the right kind of money, don't worry, I understand. But… in that case you'll need to have an optional way to repay our hospitality."

"Umm… What kind of a way?" Abel didn't like where the conversation was going, not one bit. In fact, his self-preservation instinct was screaming at him to run away as fast as he could.

"Do you have a family?" the man asked.

"Umm, not really, no." Well, he did have a sister, but… only relatively speaking.

"You could join our family." The man suddenly looked at Abel, spreading his arms wide and smiling. "These gentlemen would become your brothers, and you would be my dear son. And of course you will have compensation for the chores you'll do, that is, after you have paid your debt."

The man reminded Abel uncomfortably of Cain, and he decided that now it would be nice to say words from a stronger source than himself.

"The Lord has said:_ He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me._" the priest quoted carefully.

The man lowered his hands, his sharp eyes once again boring into Abel's. "Good manners usually demand a certain level of respect towards the head of the house, as well as refraining from causing him annoyance."

"Forgive me for the trouble, but it has been written: _Use hospitality one to another without grudging._" Abel quoted again. It seemed he was getting somewhere with a little help from the scriptures.

The man suddenly stood up and circled the table, setting himself in front of Abel. "Listen, son, I've been very patient with you. I've treated you well despite that you are in fact a criminal. I've given you options, spoken in a friendly tone and even offered you some protection. But even my patience has its limits. Being an honourable and honest man, I do not take it well when my honour is offended."

"_Whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted._" Abel knew the words weren't possibly the best in this situation but the well-learnt quotation left his lips before he could stop it.

_Snap._

The man looked at the remaining half of his cigar, as the other half rolled on the carpet, emitting a thin line of smoke. He turned and put the piece onto an ashtray. "I see your answer is a no. Too bad." He glanced at the men around the room and gave a tiny nod. Abel saw a dark figure behind him reflecting from the well-polished table and he could've sworn he also heard the faint '_twang_' of a string being pulled tight…

.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.

Hidan stepped out of his inn and looked around. He was wearing his usual cloak and the fucking straw hat. Now, where the hell start looking for that whiny bastard? He'd told the idiot this was the closest town but who knows if the fuckface even knew how to read a map.

Of course Hidan had no intention to ask people if they'd seen that whining idiot. Even if he'd bother to he wouldn't be able to hold his tongue, that much was clear. So he decided to proceed ninja-style; sneak around and see what happens. Of course it'd be fucking boring but there really wasn't any other choice. Things would get troublesome if he'd return to the base empty-handed.

.§.

Hidan sat on the roof of a casino (for some reason the highest building in the town…) and looked down to the streets, utterly frustrated. "This fucking town's too damn big!" he muttered to himself.

Just as the jashinist was lying down on the roof to rest a bit, the wind carried an odd sound from the streets. Like a huge '_meep_', if something like that was even possible. Just a bird, probably. But what kind of a fucking bird made a sound like that?

Soon the voices of an angry mob joined the chorus. Hidan stood up in order to see down to the streets but the source of disturbance wasn't visible, though it was certainly getting closer to the casino.

Somehow Hidan felt like the noise connected with his mission, not that it really made him happy. With a few jumps the jashinist was down on the street and set himself there, waiting for the nearing cacophony, half of him curious and the other half having a bad feeling.

What first came to sight was nothing more than a white dot, closing in swiftly. When it finally came close enough Hidan could only stare, his jaw on the ground.

_What in the fucking name of Jashin?_

The _thing_ was barely recognisable as a man from below the layers of sheets, pieces of a clothesline, some socks and a lone frilly pink bra. He was chased by a crowd, most of them big brawny men in black. Though, the noisiest one was an old housewife, cursing almost as badly as Hidan himself.

"…and I have no bloody idea why you youngsters want him and I don't fucking care! But I'll bloody rip your heads off if you come between me and my laundry!" the woman went on.

Suddenly the pile of clothes running in front cried out: "No, please don't kill me! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it! Someone help me!"

Hidan recognised that annoying shrill voice. And he wished he was _anywhere_ else. Really, even Kakuzu would be preferable to this.

The laundry pile and its chasers were already out of sight when Hidan managed to pull himself together. He knew he shouldn't do anything in town, so he'd have to call out to the idiot so he'd lead the mob out to the woods. There was just one tiny problem. Hidan was extremely reluctant to admit publicly having anything to do with him and so he decided to keep his distance for a while.

_Fuck, do I really have to bloody _think_ what I'm gonna do?_

The jashinist jumped back onto the rooftops and began following the white splotch.

.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.

_Why do these things always happen to me?_

Poor Abel couldn't even see where he was going and so it was a miracle in itself that he hadn't hit anything yet. At least that angry lady's voice had a little while ago gone quiet, meaning she'd finally given up the chase. Maybe Abel now had a chance to survive this.

The priest felt something was wrong and took the time to pull the moist layers of linen off his face. About ten meters ahead of him was… a brick wall. A dead end, and the thugs were only a few metres behind him. This wasn't good.

In the nick of time Abel spotted a narrow alleyway on his left and darted for it, gaining a little distance to his pursuers in doing so.

The lanky priest sprinted along the winding pathway, his spirits rising. He didn't hear the chasers anymore, maybe he'd lost them?

However, Abel's triumph was short-lived seeing as when he emerged from the alleyway he found himself on a deserted square, surrounded from all sides by black-clothed people who reminded him of the first humans he'd encountered in this strange place. The priest skidded to a halt.

"Um, could you maybe let me pass? I'm really sorry you see…"

The moment the words left Abel's mouth, more out of habit than anything, he knew he really didn't have any choice. He'd have to use _that_ or he'd be done for.

Abel drew a deep breath and lowered his head in apology to God for relying on that cursed power once again. He formed the words in his mind and opened his mouth… and suddenly something fell from the skies. Or rather, someone.

He had black cloak with red clouds on it and a huge three-bladed red scythe. Abel raised his head barely in time to see three of his attackers fall to the ground, blood spraying high in the air like a morbid fountain.

Abel, as well as the black-clad hostiles, froze for a second. Then the priest recognised his saviour.

The 'Good Samaritan' Abel remembered from the road stood up straight and shouldered his blood-dripping scythe, grinning like it was his birthday. The Vatican priest gulped and redirected some of his attention to finding a suitable exit from the situation.

"Oh man, I thought you'd be worth the trouble but you're just a bunch of freaking pansies." the newcomer complained.

At this point one of the masked men spoke up to his fellows. "Look at his clothes, people! This is way over our heads, he's from Akatsuki!"

"Pull back!" another commanded and within seconds the square was empty save for Abel, the 'good Samaritan' and three of the strange people who would never return to where they came from.

"Come back you fucking cowards!" the scythe-wielding man yelled after the retreating enemies.

Needless to say, poor Abel wasn't exactly on top of things. "Eh? What happened? Why'd they run?"

In a flash the priest was staring at the tip of the still-blood-soaked scythe just millimetres from his nose.

"Hey fuckface, I need to talk to you."

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**Abel:** …why do you call me "fuckface", Hidan-san? It's not… very nice.

**Hidan: **'Cause that's what you are, asshole!

**WS7: **Wow, Abel. You actually said that word aloud… *-- sarcastic*

**Abel: **I… didn't mean to… You won't tell Caterina, will you?

**WS7: **No, don't worry. I don't even like her.

**Hidan: **You don't like anyone! And you motherfucker! *points at Abel* From now on, we do things my way! :D

**RB:** Careful, Hidan. Bully Abel enough and even he'll snap. And…we don't want him to get mad…

**Hidan: **?

**WS7: **Let's hope that won't happen before the time is right… Next chapter: **Stuck With Me**

**RB:** See you then! *fails at glomping Hidan*


	6. Stuck With Me

**Abel:** This time I was bullied into this job, because Redblade-san and Wolfsoul7-san are so busy with their studies and trying to find out how to graduate with too few courses taken. So, a humble apology for taking a while to update. Apparently they will pull themselves together and get to writing more as soon as 'life' is arranged. *bows*

**Hidan:** You talk too fucking much, asshole.

**A:** But Hidan-san! This is my job! As well as thanking people, mainly Red Dawn Rising, for reviewing, and for being so unbelievably patient with us all.

**H:** Blah, blah, blah, tomato, tomato, tomato. Let's get to the fucking chapter!

* * *

**6. Stuck With Me**

"Ok, there's just three things you need to know. One: I'm part of a group called Akatsuki. Two: the leader wants to talk with you. Three: you have no fucking say in that."

"Eh?" Abel was, to say the least, overwhelmed by confusion and quite unable to grasp the situation. "A-akatsuki? What's that?"

"You'll know when we get there. Now just follow me you fucking beanpole!" The mysterious albino man began walking and Abel followed. Not that he really wanted to find out about this 'Akatsuki' thing or anything, but the fact was that the man had scared away all those bad guys. Maybe he could slip away when they were at a safe distance from the town?

After a while of walking around (Abel could've sworn they passed that building just a while ago) in shadowy alleys Abel just couldn't stand the pressing silence anymore and a thought occurred to him.

"Oh, that's right! I haven't introduced myself properly to you yet! I'm Abel Nightroad, a travelling-"

"I'm not fucking interested in who the hell you are." The man spat out. "Just keep following and I warn you, don't fucking try anything stupid."

"But!" Abel protested. Why did this guy have to be so cold? "It's common courtesy to introduce oneself! You haven't introduced yourself either even though you've saved me twice now and-"

"Name's Hidan."

"Ah, you can be nice when you try, Hidan-san!" Abel was positively beaming.

Hidan stopped. So abruptly in fact that Abel rand straight into his back.

"Eh? What's wrong, Hidan-san?"

"…" Hidan shook his head. "Nothing. Just keep walking."

.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.

Hidan was absolutely certain this would form into the single fucking most troublesome journey of his whole fucking life. That moronic reincarnation of annoyance kept showering him with (stupid) questions and in addition the thing called him Hidan-_san_, when no one had ever added any of those suspicious honorifics to his name before. And to rub salt to wounds, Hidan was stuck with this _thing_ for a week!

"What the fuck are you talking about? There's always been just one moon, dumbass." Yes, the questions were the worst. And the moron had the nerve to fucking look shocked!

" So Professor really screwed up bad this time… Caterina's _so_ not going to like this… I'm doomed!" The idiot whined.

Hidan did his best to ignore the fucking annoyance, not really having any interest in his idiotic babbles. Besides, he had more important things in mind, like how the fuck was he going to get the campfire lit.

"Fuck." That was the last of his matches.

Suddenly four-eyes seemed to remember something and threw Hidan a lighter.

"You've helped me so much, I'm glad I got the chance to pay back, if even a little." The idiot smiled.

Hidan had never been so fucking ashamed of himself…

"Nowadays I always carry a lighter. You see, this one time I got stuck in a cave during a snowstorm in the Alps and didn't have anything to make a fire with! It was horrible, I nearly froze to death." The moron sighed wearily. "It isn't easy, being a travelling priest."

Well that caught Hidan's attention. He turned to look at that fucking… Abel… in disbelief.

"You… are a travelling priest?" He automatically glanced at the metal cross-thing the other had.

"What? Yes, I am. Didn't I tell you? I work for the Vatican Papal State and so am a Catholic priest."

Hidan touched his rosary. "Never heard of that kind of a religion before."

Abel shook his head. "I'm not that surprised, actually. The Prof. must have messed with something on an interdimensional scale. So, in this place people most likely have no idea of the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost."

The idiot seemed to be serious, for a change. And Hidan really couldn't discriminate (at least not much) religious people… if they didn't pick a fight. At least the moron took _one_ thing seriously.

There was a silence only broken by the crackle of the newly-lit fire. It was quickly and somewhat brutally shattered by Abel's voice.

"But really, I'm not that interesting. What about you?"

Hidan took out a loaf of bread. He really had no desire to tell anything about himself to that scatterbrained idiot. Or to anybody, for that matter, but he had the haunting feeling that the other wouldn't stop with the questions before he yielded some information.

"I'm a loyal priest of Lord Jashin, my true and only god. To be short." He said.

"Jash-what?"

This one _was_ picking a fight.

" It's Lord Jashin, you fucking heathen!" Hidan had stood up and held his scythe at the insolent fool's throat, ready to spill his heretic blood. "The almighty god of blood and violence. Slaughter is the Jashin faith's cornerstone and weekly human sacrifices are a necessity. _And I haven't sacrificed anyone this week yet._" Sometimes a little lie was necessary.

Clearly even that idiot Abel could take a hint since he shut up. So, Hidan put his weapon away and returned to his dinner.

"Um… Hidan-san?"

"What now?"

"Could I possibly get, not to sound rude, but if I could have something to eat as well if it's not too much trouble?"

Hidan nearly missed the idiot's actual point from amidst all the polite add-ons. When he managed to comprehend the actual request he threw a loaf at the other. A moment of silence occurred, soon to be broken by the question-filled pain in the ass.

"Your religion seems awfully violent, Hidan-san. Not to be rude or anything but hasn't it, though of course I know nothing of the goings on of this place, been made illegal? I mean, it would be logical, wouldn't it?"

"It depends on who you kill." Hidan grinned, thinking how that fucking innocent bastard's face would look like when he'd perform the morning ritual.

The silence returned, this time more than ready to last 'til morning. The two people in the forest got ready to go to sleep. Basically they just wrapped themselves snugly to their coats and laid down. The campfire had slowly burned itself to glowing coals. One voice still shattered the still air for a second.

"It's your fault then that we don't have fucking enough food."

.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.

Slowly Abel drifted to consciousness. His back was sore from sleeping on the ground and his mind filled with lovely chocolate-smelling fragments of his dream. He slowly opened his eyes and yawned, fumbling around for his glasses.

Why was he sleeping outside again? Oh, right. Abel put on the glasses and, still yawning, took a look around. It was morning, the birds were singing and the ground was covered in blood. Very nice.

..wait, BLOOD? There was a huge puddle of it and in the middle of the puddle was Hidan, an iron spike piercing his chest.

"…OMYGOD SOMEBODY'S KILLED HIDAN-SAN!!!!!"

"Shut the fuck up! Don't mess with the ritual!"

"Eh?" Abel peered down from a treetop. "Hi-hidan-san? You're alive?"

"No shit Sherlock." The Akatsuki member slowly sat up and pulled the impaling spike out.

"But, but you're stabbed in the chest! How can you be alive?" To be honest, it hurt Abel to just watch.

"One of the merits of my religion." The albino cleaned the spike and put it away, then taking his belongings, ready to move on. "You coming or what?"

At this point Abel noted something that posed a little problem to him. Something actually quite trivial but still…

"Umm, Hidan-san?"

"What the fuck now?"

"…I can't get down."

* * *

**Redblade:** *ditching math to attend this chat* Well, we didn't take as long as last time to get this posted. =)

**WolfSoul7:** *ditching math too* . . . Where are our idiots?

**Rb:** Probably lost somewhere... again. At least we'll get to see a bit of them in the next chapter, when we'll get it done.

**WS7:** **The Chosen Ones**, wasn't it? Things will get veeeery interesting... 8D

**Rb:** See you then! *hugs readers*

**WS7:** Now, let's find our main characters... *takes a map and leaves the room*


	7. The Chosen Ones

**Redblade:** We are truly, honestly sorry for the wait. Once again, it was (mostly) due to reasons we had little power to stop, but now we are again finding it possible to dedicate ourselves to _Two of a Kind_.

**WolfSoul7:** I'm sorry too. You two, apologise to the readers too!

**Abel:** *bows in apology*

**Hidan:** Like hell I'm gonna-

**WS7:** He's sorry too and he loves you all.

**Hidan:** What the-!

**RB: **Thank you Red Dawn Rising and SageofAges729, as well as the rest of you! We love reviews as they remind us to work hard on this story. :)

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**7. The Chosen Ones**

Hidan hadn't been wrong. The next five days were, to say the least, like shit. That fucking thing seemed completely oblivious of even the most basic things like chakra, ninjas, and even geography. (Hidan was expecting it though, remembering how they'd first met) He was fucking forced to explain everything to the idiot who just acted like a bloody kid.

Well, at least Hidan did get _some_ credit for his trouble. ("Oo, Hidan-san, you know a lot of things. You're pretty smart!")

Now, finally, after nearly a week of mental torture, the journey was nearing its end. They were almost at the nearest hideout and to be honest, Hidan had never been so happy to see the blocked cave entrance indicating an Akatsuki base. The jashinist held out his left hand and the pathway opened for them. Surprisingly enough, that fucking idiotic beanpole had shut up, too busy gawking.

Hidan led the way through the main chamber and through a hidden door at the back which led to a corridor. Less than a fucking minute and he'd be free of that bloody moron!

.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.

Abel was awed. Hidan-san had led him to a cave complex almost as excessive (and in _much_ better condition) as Vatican catacombs. He was in fact so busy in his attempt to see everything at once he didn't notice the shorter man stop and bumped right into him.

"Ah! Sorry, Hidan-san, I wasn't looking where I was going! Why did we stop, by the way?"

"We're here." was the reply as Hidan reached out to open an extremely ordinary-looking door.

"Eh? Already? But I thought that-" Abel was interrupted by the jashinist unceremoniously shoving him inside with enough force for him to lose balance and fall flat on his face. The door closed with an ominous _click_, leaving the poor priest all alone in the dark room behind the door.

Or so Abel thought until a faint shimmer of colours and an even fainter sound of amusement made it obvious he wasn't. Alone, that is. Slowly the priest lifted his gaze, first taking in what seemed like a rainbow-coloured shadow of a man looming over him, occasionally flickering slightly like a hologram. And eventually Abel faced a pair of eyes he just knew he'd never have wished to meet. They didn't have any coherent irises, instead sporting dark nested circles in the whites. Locked in their gaze, the priest felt measured to an inch and weighed to a gram, not to mention an uncomfortable feeling that those eyes saw right through him to what was hiding inside...

"Stand up." The hologram-shadow spoke, startling Abel who quickly scrambled to his feet. "I am Pein, the leader of the group 'Akatsuki'. "

Abel opened his mouth in order to answer the greeting and introduce himself but was cut short by the hologram.

"Are you the one known as Crusnik?"

The priest froze. How could that person know about that thing? He'd only used it once, for a few seconds...

"Eh? Kruz...what? What's that?" Abel asked, cocking his head to the side. "I know nothing of such a thing, unless... is it edible?"

"I can see right through you." Pein's quiet voice cut the babbling like a knife. Abel gulped. It was like the other person was holding a blade to his throat despite sounding every inch as polite and businesslike as possible. Disturbingly enough, it reminded him of the time he applied to the Vatican Academy of Religion with no tributes, no heritage and no confidence... Those eyes really seemed to look right through him... But he didn't want it to be known, not that one thing. Anything but it.

"It is pointless to lie. One way or another I will have the truth. I'll repeat the question: Are you the one known as Crusnik?"

Abel was in the midst of an inner conflict. Somehow that Pein-person knew of his... other self, and he wasn't going to get to leave before admitting to its existence. Not to mention that 'one way or another'-thing... What should he do? Nothing like this had ever happened before!

Abel sneaked a glance at the hologram's eyes. Maybe it would be better to...

"Not me..." The priest's voice was barely more than a whisper and his eyes focused to a far corner of the room. He shook his head slightly and forced the next sentence out through his teeth. "It's not me. It's... _him_."

There was a moment of silence, during which Abel broke out in cold sweat under the unwavering gaze of the hologram's unblinking eyes. Then, finally, Pein spoke.

"I can see what you mean." The hologram took a few steps toward Abel and it seemed like the ambiance got, if possible, more serious and businesslike. "The reason you are here is simple: I want you to join Akatsuki."

The priest blinked. He was saved - twice, if his memory was right - from an angry mob, led around a world he had no knowledge of by a violent, always-cursing priest of Ja-whatever-that-deity-was-called-again who just couldn't die and delivered here to be interrogated by a hologram that seemed to know more of him than some of his colleagues in the Vatican, just so that he could be recruited to some weird group? This 'Akatsuki' really had to be something...

"Eh? Join? Me? Why me? I'm just a... what I mean is that... you see..."

Once again, Pein interrupted Abel's incoherent babbling: "You have the kind of potential we need and I believe you would be a valuable addition to our organisation, seeing that we are currently slightly undermanned."

The word 'organisation' brought an undesirable association to Abel but nevertheless he'd gotten curious.

"I... don't even really know much anything about you people..." The priest muttered and glanced at the hologram. He could almost hear Pein smirk.

"Very well." Pein said. "I will tell you about the Akatsuki." The hologram's eyes wandered towards the darkness-hidden ceiling of the room. "Akatsuki consists of a handful of selected individuals, each cast out from their Villages or countries. Every one of us have been feared and shunned for our innate strength, born abilities, even religion. This organisation was formed to grow as strong and influential as any of the Great Ninja Countries, to eventually have power to influence their decisions, guarding peace and protecting those who are discriminated for their difference."

Abel blinked, remembering time almost a millenia earlier. He'd been very young, thinking humans idiots for not being able to decide for themselves, always founding committees and waiting for UN:s decisions. But it had kept the peace until Red Mars Project.

"You won't be accepted easily..." The priest spoke, still far in his memories. This 'Akatsuki' sounded so much like the United Nations in the days of its founding.

"That is true." Pein nodded, looking like a teacher who'd managed to goad an answer from his favourite student. "But we won't be demoralised that easily. However, for now we are working largely underground, reduced to gathering funds, catching _real_ criminals and systematically targeting the bijuu."

"The what?" Abel cocked his head, confused.

"Chakra monsters, embodiments of natural disasters. There are nine in all, most bound to human hosts. Out intent is to prevent the ninja Countries from using these jinchuuriki – the bijuu hosts – as weapons by sealing the monsters within away."

Abel frowned. This was getting too much like what had been in his world roughly a thousand years ago... monsters within human bodies... The priest glanced down to his hands, knowing well what kind of a disaster _monsters_ could cause.

"That power, Crusnik, within you. I doubt it would be easily accepted in this world." Pein noted, causing Abel to flinch slightly. "You are clearly not a normal person, so tell me; what exactly is this 'Crusnik'?"

Abel groaned inwardly. That knowledge was as old as himself, only three 'people' alive to know it. It really wasn't a happy thought either... "I.. I'm really not sure.. I mean, it's something we don't understand... A curse, maybe..."

Pein scrutinised the priest for a moment, opting to leave the matter be for now. "From which village are you?" He inquired instead. "It would be beneficial for us to know of your exact relations with your home village. A cast-out... or a fugitive?"

Oh great. Of course it had to come to this... Abel didn't like this much, no doubt the hologram-man would label-him crazy if he told the truth. But lying... that didn't seem too smart either. Abel knew next to nothing of this world, just Fire country and that places were named after random nature-y things, and that there were ninjas here. And now Pein was looking at him, waiting for an answer, those creepy eyes gleaming in the dimness. He really had no choice, had he...

"I... really don't have a 'Village', you see, I'm not from... around here."

"... Not from around here." Abel could swear Pein's stare was boring a hole into his skull. Instinctively the priest looked around, looking for any means of escape.

"Y-yes... I... I... You're probably not going to believe this but... I came from... another world." Abel blurted out, tensing in anticipation of the storm. There was a stretching silence, during which Abel convinced himself that it really would be nice to fall through the floor right about now.

"From another world." Pein only said, confusing Abel completely with his lack of reaction.

"Umm... yes?" No reaction, so automatically Abel kept on explaining. "I don't know exactly how I got here but it was probably Professor, one of my colleagues; an inventor, who caused it. He has all these gadget's, you see, and once in a while something goes wrong with them, even though I can't remember anyone being zapped to other worlds before..."

It was quiet again, way too quiet. Abel was sure this Pein-person would never believe him, not a story that sounded so badly improvised, not to mention incoherent.

"That explains a few things."

Abel blinked, surprised again. "You-you're going to believe me?" What was this person, Tres' reanimated brother? Caterina's long-lost twin? Didn't anything take him by surprise?

"I am quite certain you would like to return to this... homeworld of yours." The hologram's eyes were fixed on Abel, unblinking and unwavering. "In which case your best chance is to join. The Hidden villages guard jealously their secrets, refusing help to strangers more often than not. They'll never grant you the information you seek."

Abel frowned. "How can you help me then, if it's that difficult?"

Pein smirked slightly. "Akatsuki consists of ninjas from a variety of villages, so we have access to many secrets, even before counting the vast network we have established within the underworld. With some effort and, of course, dedication to our aims from your part, we can obtain the knowledge you need."

Abel could see reason behind Pein's words. Why would anyone want to help him, indeed? He was a stranger with no money, no home and no one to back him up. Nobody sane would even take him seriously! Well... except for this Pein-person... But if he'd agree, using _that_ would be inevitable... Still, despite obviously not acting quite within the laws of this place, the two members Abel had met so far were the only people in this strange place who hadn't tried to kill him. And this really was the only chance he could see. The priest let out a quiet sigh.

"What do I have to do?"

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**Abel:** Umm... I joined a group of nice people, didn't I?

**WS7:** *evil grin*

**RB:** Don't worry, Abel. You'll always have Hidan to keep you company.

**Abel:** Oh, that's true! *smiling*

**Hidan:** You little-

**RB:** The next chapter is called** Welcome Home (Sanitarium)** and we've already started it so it should come out a bit faster than our usual (terrible) pace. Of course, reviews keep the plotbunnies well fed.

**Hidan:** Why the _fuck_ do you people keep interrupting me?


	8. Welcome Home ::Sanitarium::

**Rb****:** I feel really stupid, having to apologise at the beginning of every single chapter... but I really can't believe time has flown by so quickly without any updates.

**WS7:** We'd like to make clear that even though things seem to progress criminally slowly, we don't intend to abandon this project. We have way too much fun with it, and we hope you have too. So this update will be 2 chapters as a thank you for your patience.

**Abel:** So... does this mean I finally get to meet the people Hidan-san works with?

**WS7:** *evil chuckle* Yes, actually you will...

**Rb: **Thank you, everyone who has reviewed, and an especially big thanks to those who have patiently awaited for new chapters without giving up on us.

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**8. Welcome Home (Sanitarium)**

The hallways were dark and confusing, as always. Hidan looked down one corridor, identical to the one he was walking in, and tried to remember where exactly the living quarters were in this hideout. He was tired, hungry, and just plain pissed because of the whole fucking ordeal with that overgrown, scatterbrained motherfucking idiot of a shithead. And that jackass had the nerve to call himself a priest! His religion must be filled with fucking hippies!

Finally, there was a door and behind it a room. And in that plain stone room there was a soft, inviting mattress. Hidan's mood lightened visibly. He sauntered over to the substitute bed, stretching, flexing his tired arms and yawning.

"_Hidan."_

Hidan froze in the middle of his yawn, mouth open and an expression of sheer fury on his face. "Fuck you!"

Pein chose to ignore the jashinist's greeting. "Crusnik has joined. I have assigned him as your partner. The official meeting will be exactly two hours from now." And with that, the Akatsuki leader cut the connection.

Hidan stared to space, too shocked(furious) to even bat an eyelash. Slowly, he filled his lungs with air, turning his face upwards. Then, the entire cave system shook, dust and small rocks raining down from the ceiling, loosened by the torrent of cursing so loud even a couple of bats fell to the floor, unconscious.

In the room he had attempted to rest in, Hidan slumped to his knees, cradling his head to his hands.

"Jashin-sama, what have I done to deserve this shit?"

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Abel was a bit unsure and nervous. He stood in a dark corridor outside a room, fidgeting with the sleeves of his brand new, fancy cloak and twirling round and round the silvery ring he had got, and was wearing on his little finger. Just on the other side of that door was the rest of 'Akatsuki', people he'd never met, but was tied to none the less.

The priest swallowed hard, for some reason very nervous.

"Now, meet our newest member." A voice sounded from inside. That was Abel's cue. He took three deep breaths and stepped in. The room was dimly lit, round and plain, and had an assortment of those rainbow-black holograms that were actually people. They had arranged to a rough semi-circle, and the tall priest quickly spotted Hidan-san, who was the only non-hologram, and Pein-san, whom he'd... met before. Everyone, except Hidan-san, was looking at him. Abel managed an unsure attempt of a smile.

"Umm... hello." There was a long, awkward silence. They were still staring at him... Abel scratched his cheek with a finger, feeling self-conscious, and flashed another smile. "My name is Abel Nightroad, nice to meet you all."

This time the silence was shorter and much less uneasy.

"**He doesn't look edible.**" An odd-shaped shadow with glowing yellow eyes spoke with a menacing tone.

"_He just joined, it's not good to start thinking a meal out of him. I think he looks like a funny guy._" The same shadow answered itself with a lighter tone. Abel felt a bit queasy as the yellow-eyed one kept bickering with itself with hushed voices.

"Still, I think we should welcome him." A tall figure standing to Abel's right spoke. "Right, Itachi-san?" An agreeing 'hmm' came from the shorter figure next to the tall one.

Abel blinked. The shorter figure had glowy red eyes! Why? Was it common around here, or was it something else? And those eyes were almost as piercing as Pein-san's...

"Ha!" Abel almost jumped at the sudden voice coming from the hologram next to Pein-san, one with only one birdlike eye visible. "He doesn't look like an S-rank criminal, un."

"Speak for yourself, Deidara."

Abel turned to look with wide eyes at the shadow of a low mound he almost hadn't noticed. Such a low and chilling voice. What was that, a bogeyman? Pein-san obviously hadn't been kidding. Akatsuki was full of ...extraordinary people. The one with the bird's eye held up a hand. Abel saw faintly something white, then dark pink.

"Talk to the hand, danna." The shadow said, and Abel couldn't help but stare. These people _really_ were different. Was that a _mouth_ in birdeye-san's palm?

"Who will he be partnered with?" The red-eyed one asked, sounding like he really didn't care. Pein answered after a slight pause.

"For now, he'll be Hidan's responsibility."

"Hidan?" Birdeye-san let out a loud burst of laughter. "Hidan couldn't get responsible over week-old cheese, un!"

Abel was starting to feel uncomfortable about how everyone spoke like he wasn't even there. And now Hidan-san was looking pretty pissed, holding out one of his ritual spikes.

"How would you fucking like it, Deidara-_chan_, if I'd take this and shove it up your fucking-"

Abel tried to interrupt the two before this fight got any more serious. "Um... please calm down, Hidan-san, Deidara-chan..." the two of them stopped and turned toward him, Hidan in disbelief and Deidara furious. Then, suddenly Hidan burst out laughing so hard it was difficult for him to stay standing.

"_Don't_ call me '_chan_', un! I'm a man!" The birdeyed one growled.

"Oh... I'm very sorry, Deidara-san!" Abel apologised. Hidan was still laughing, holding his sides, but managed to still choke out a comment.

"What, you actually fucking thought she was a girl? Oh, I meant _he_."

"Hidan. Deidara. Crusnik. Be quiet." Pein ordered and Abel quickly returned to where he'd been standing while Hidan-san and Deidara-san grumbled under their breaths.

"What about when Kakuzu-san returns?" The tall shadow asked Pein, unfazed by what had occurred.

"He will remain in the team."

"Knowing Kakuzu-san... Won't the new guy get killed?"

Abel could've sworn he saw a flicker of amusement in Pein-san's otherwise creepy eyes. Then Pein spoke, surprising at least some of the hologram people with his words.

"I doubt it."

And suddenly Abel found himself truly the centre of attention, as only now was everyone present truly _looking_ at him, obviously evaluating him in the light of this new information. He himself, though, was more concerned about this... 'Kakuzu-san'-person. He didn't sound like the kind of person who gets well along with others.

"Wait, you mean that airhead's str-" Deidara began but was cut short by the red-eyed one who directed his words straight to Abel.

"And what might be your speciality, Abel-san?" he asked, and all eyes in the room were fixed on the poor priest again.

What should he say? He didn't want to... Abel's eyes darted first to Hidan-san, then to Pein-san, looking for help. Neither did anything to indicate what he should say. What was he going to tell all these people?

"Well... um... I'm... pretty good at staying alive?" he suggested.

"**That's going to be useful when Kakuzu returns to realise he now has to take care of two idiots.**" the yellow-eyed one pointed out with his deep voice. Hidan didn't seem to like it.

"Who are you calling an idiot, you two-faced bastard!"

"_That wasn't very nice..._" The lighter voice of yellow-eyes sounded a bit hurt.

"This meeting was not summoned so you could waste it away with useless chit-chat." Pein spoke up, causing everyone to fall quiet again, even Hidan. "Now that you have met our newest member, I want reports on your progress." He looked at the red-eyed one, and Abel realised this... Akatsuki worked much the same way AX did. He wondered how and why these people had ended up part of the group.

"The Kyuubi is still with the Sannin, Jiraya. We have been keeping an eye on them while hunting the one assigned to Kisame." the red-eyed one answered pertinently.

Pein-san nodded. "Keep a low profile and carry on with your current tactic." He then moved his gaze on to Deidara and the bogeyman-person beside him.

"Our mission is still underway." the bogeyman reported. "However, we are to receive the information by tomorrow unless Deidara manages to blow himself up first."

"At least I _do_ something for the mission, Sasori-no-danna, un."

"I expect a full report within two days then." Pein-san spoke, not giving the two a chance to start arguing. Abel was impressed by how he handled the organisation members. It was much like Caterina, but there were things that reminded him of cardinal Medici, and of much more ancient, darker memories that he'd rather not think of.

"Zetsu." The next one Pein-san addressed was the yellow-eyed one.

"_Everything is going smoothly._" _"_**Almost too well.**_"_

Pein nodded. "Keep it up." Then he regarded Abel briefly, turning to Hidan. "Hidan. Crusnik. You are to search for the Jinchuuriki like the others. However, you need to deal with a little issue first."

Abel listened intently and noted that, for once, Hidan-san seemed to do so too. Pein-san ordered them to head for a village called Kashiwa, seek out the man who calls himself "The Father", and eliminate him. Abel didn't really like the sound of it, but he opted to not voice his thoughts. After all, Pein-san had explained that Akatsuki meant well, even if they were misunderstood. So probably the 'elimination' meant something like eliminating the threat 'The Father' posed to innocent citizens. Absorbed in his thoughts, Abel nearly missed Pein's final instructions.

"...make sure his followers will get the message."

Hidan groaned in annoyance. "Kashiwa? We just _were_ there and now you want us to go back to that fucking hellhole!"

"You were not supposed to be there, Hidan." Pein pointed out. "Your initial mission should have taken you further south."

Abel blinked and turned to Hidan. "Eh? Hidan-san, were you lost?"

The jashinist's eye twitched. He grabbed Abel's collar, pulled the taller man down to his level and with a furious snarl made it clear he had _not_ been lost, that all the _crap_ he'd been forced to go through was _all the catholic priest's fault_ and that if it was up to him, Abel would be lying somewhere in a ditch with a slit throat.

Abel felt really small and insignificant as Hidan threatened him with a ritual spike, trying to get a word in between the pissed jashinist's tirade. Maybe, if he'd just manage to apologise... after all, saying sorry usually worked with Leon and Asthe despite them – especially Asthe – manhandling him before forgiving...

"Hidan, Crusnik, I will be expecting a report in two weeks time." Pein declared, ignoring Hidan's abuse of proper language, and of Abel. He turned to face the rest of the people in the room. "That is all. Dismissed."

The holograms flickered out of existence, one after another, eventually leaving Abel and Hidan alone. Finally the jashinist let go of Abel, who took a step back and straightened his coat, worried that Hidan-san might not want to cooperate with him at all. Hidan huffed, spun on his heels and headed for the door.

"Let's go, asshole."

Abel's mood brightened considerably despite the insult because Hidan-san sounded like his usual self again. The catholic priest hurried after the jashinist, calling out with an apologetic voice.

"My name is Abel. Abel Nightroad. It can't be that hard to remember, right?"

"Let's just get this shitty mission over with and go after the Jinchuuriki. If we're lucky, Kakuzu won't come back to slow us down." Hidan scowled.

"Um, Hidan-san?" Abel hesitated a bit. "What kind of a person is this Kakuzu-san?"

Hidan grimaced, like he didn't like to even think about the person. "One bloody annoying jackass who only cares about money and is one hell of a killjoy."

"Oh." Abel didn't quite grasp Kakuzu-san's character from just what Hidan-san told him, but supposed he would be okay since he never owned much more than his customary four dinars. Oh well, he would probably have time to get to know Kakuzu-san eventually, when he came back from wherever he was.

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Chills were running up his spine despite the night being warm. Kakuzu halted, then frowned and continued making his way through the gardens. For some reason he had a strong feeling that he did not want to return from this mission any time soon, despite being on incentive wage.

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**WS7:** Well, Abel. What do you think about your new colleagues?

**Abel: **They seem kind of nice, I think. Though I am a bit worried about this Kakuzu-san...

**RB:** No need to worry about him just yet, Abel. *grin* Anyway, The next chapter is called **Staying Alive** and will be posted immediately after this one as a reward for you lovely people.

**Abel:** Isn't this exciting, Hidan-san?

**Hidan:** I fucking hate you, guys.


	9. Staying Alive

**WS7:**Not much more to say about this one. Enjoy the action and gore! 8D

**Hidan:** Oh yeah! It's about fucking time!

**RB:** Really, you two. Anyway, here's chapter 9. It's time to let Hidan loose on his unsuspecting enemies.

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**9. Staying Alive**

Hidan had been thinking. He'd been travelling with that idiot for five days now, five days since the bumbling priest had joined Akatsuki, that is. During that time Abel (yes, Hidan was slowly starting to use the idiot's name, having run out of appropriate insults) had been his bubbly self, but the jashinist hadn't forgotten what Leader had said in the meeting when the question about Kakuzu had come up.

Right now the priest was trudging behind Hidan, most likely tired after traipsing about all day. The jashinist still couldn't see why the fuck had it been so important to recruit that idiot. And why the hell did Leader call Abel 'Crusnik'?

"So, what _can_ you do, anyway?" Hidan asked, breaking the silence.

"Eh?" Abel responded, startled. "Well, I... um, I'm... eh, I can..."

"Spit it out already!" Hidan snapped.

"Ehe, I can stay alive?" The priest offered.

Hidan rolled his eyes. "I know that. Anything else?"

"Well... umm..." Abel thought for a moment and then started to count with his fingers. "I can make a good camp fire, and I'm good with needle and thread. Oh, and I can use computers quite well."

Hidan was seriously starting to think that the idiot was intentionally avoiding the question. Or maybe he just was _really_ stupid. Who really cared if he could sew? Akatsuki wasn't a fucking knitting circle!

"Can you actually fight? 'Cause, in case you haven't noticed, that's pretty damn important in these parts."

Abel seemed a bit lost at this point, or rather, backed in a corner. Hidan noticed they'd stopped walking and glanced up. It was almost evening anyway. He looked at the idiot priest again, noticing that for once Abel looked like he was really _thinking_ instead of the usual 'eh, well, um'-litany.

"Well..." The lanky priest started, pulling something relatively small and metallic out from under his cloak. "I can use this."

The... thing he'd taken out was about a foot long and made of gleaming dark metal with a wood-layered handle of sort curving in one end. A cylinder of metal was attached to the handle, and from the cylinder left a thin metal tube. There was also a weird loop and a couple of sticks made of metal attached to the cylinder.

"What the hell is that?" Hidan asked, eyeing the device suspiciously. It didn't even have any sharp edges, how was it supposed to do anything?

Abel blinked. "Its a revolver."

"Yeah, but what the fuck _is_ it?"

"You... don't have guns in here?" The priest seemed surprised, even alarmed.

"If I knew what it was I wouldn't have fucking asked, would I." Hidan rolled his eyes again at the idiot, who was thoughtfully tucking the 'revolver' away. The jashinist opened his mouth to ask more questions but was cut off by a tremendous yawn from his travelling partner, who them smiled sheepishly.

"Come on, Hidan-san, can't we camp for tonight? I seem to be falling asleep on my feet!"

.§.

Well, suppose the idiot really _did_ know how to make a decent camp fire. That saved Hidan the trouble, though the food supply was running dangerously low, and the jashinist was certain that if it came down to hunting their food _he_ would have to take care of it. Not that he minded, really, but it was just so boring, staying put and waiting that an animal wandered close enough.

Besides, in a damn forest there was no one to steal a blanket from, and Hidan didn't like the idea of waking in the morning with his toes frozen off.

"By the way, what is your role in Akatsuki, Hidan-san?"

Hidan turned to look blankly at Abel.

"My role? I don't really have any role. I just have my own damn reasons to be in Akatsuki, like all those other bastards."

"Um... what might those reasons be?"

Hidan frowned slightly. Why the fuck was the idiot asking? Nobody else ever had, not even Kakuzu, not that he'd ever tell that money-loving bastard even if he did. If Abel wasn't such a featherbrained idiot the jashinist could have sworn there was an ulterior motive of some kind behind the question. Not that he intended to tell anything anyway, especially to a hippie like Abel.

"It's really none of your damn bu-" As Hidan looked, Abel's eyes grew wide and rolled back to his head, and the priest slowly fell forward, revealing three kunai embedded in his back.

Sharp pain exploded up Hidan's spine, turning to a scalding heat. Shit, poison. Hidan let loose a string of choice swears under his breath while staying upright despite the burn of venom spreading in his muscles.

Still cursing worse than a deranged sailor, Hidan threw his scythe at a careless ninja he'd spotted in a tree. The bastard dodged but never expected the sudden change in the scythe's trajectory, as the bladed weapon swivelled in the air, making serpentine turns and disappearing from sight for a second before swinging from the front and piercing the unfortunate ninja's head with one of the three blades.

While Hidan was busying himself with the first enemy ninja, another was creeping up from behind, aiming to hasten the poison's work, as the jashinist seemed resistant to it. The kunoichi straightened silently behind Hidan and grasped suddenly his forehead with one hand, drawing a sharp blade across his throat with the other.

Hidan hissed through his teeth and violently jerked his head back, hitting the kunoichi squarely in the nose. She staggered back, dropping her blade and instinctively trying to stop the flow of blood from her nostrils.

Hidan touched his neck, grimaced and reached a hand behind himself to catch the returning scythe. Soon there was a gurgling scream, a loud hiss and a smell of burning as blood spattered into the camp fire.

The attack of the ninjas was unrelenting though, and Hidan barely dodged in time a barrage of poisoned shuriken from an attacker wearing a scarf dashing at him from under the tree where he'd spotted the first ninja. Spinning like a top, Hidan brought his scythe to bear, and the enemy ninja only managed to dodge by a hair's breadth. The scythe blades hit the ground and Hidan jumped up, dodging a kunai and kicking yet _another_ enemy to the stomach, sending him tumbling to the fire.

A hiss of cut air passed right over Hidan as he landed back to ground. The jashinist only had time to lean as far back as he could before the attacker's second swing, aimed to decapitate, hit. Hidan gurgled what might have been a curse as blood gushed out of his mouth and cut throat. To his opponent's (very short-lived) amazement, the jashinist took up his scythe and showed the would-be executioner how a proper decapitation was done. He cursed his neck wound and nodded slightly in vengeful satisfaction as the enemy head rolled on the ground.

The scarf-wearing one had meanwhile made some distance between Hidan and himself, and was now staring in amazement at the wound in the jashinist's neck. Wide-eyed, he took out a bladed whip, seemingly adamant in his intention of not approaching Hidan any more.

The jashinist spat out a mouthful of blood and threw again his scythe. The enemy easily dodged and, mindful of what had happened to Hidan's first victim in the battle, kept the bladed instrument in sight. This though, let to him missing the sight of Hidan coming from behind until it was too late. The jashinist kicked him to the ground and, reaching for his scythe, gouged him open.

Meanwhile, the now burnt ninja whom Hidan had kicked to the fire had scrambled up and, having had a very good view of his comrades' fates, decided to rather make sure the other one was truly dead than attack the albino again. He grasped a handful of silvery hair and held a kunai in his other hand, ready to slit Abel's throat, but suddenly his foot hit something (or was it the other way 'round?) and, losing his balance, he fell flat on his face just in time to momentarily escape detection by Hidan, who was whisking gore from his scythe and shouting slightly gurgled profanities.

"How fuckingrlgl... *cough* ...many more of you bastards is there? Get hergl... here, so I can slaughter you!"

The burnt ninja bolted upright, and ran. At the moment he couldn't care less of the reward or his bosses, as long as he could get away, far away.

Hidan threw his scythe after the bolting enemy, but the attack was quickly modified as Hidan was forced to strike the blades to the ground and propel himself through the air with the rope of his scythe to evade a jet of water aimed to his head. The stream ended as abruptly as it had appeared but a large body of smaller trees had turned to wet tangle of broken branches.

Hidan cursed, imagining what the ninjutsu could have done to him had it hit. He spun to face the direction the attack had come from, but only saw a calm little creek flowing innocently in the rapidly darkening gloom of evening. Glaring around to spot any other ninjas that might still be waiting for their chance, Hidan took a few careful steps toward the stream, and was suddenly knocked to the ground as an enemy landed on his back.

Hidan rolled onto his back, wheezing curses and kicking upwards. He only gained a hit from to the temple from a nunchaku for his troubles. Still kicking and cursing, the jashinist shielded his injured neck the nest he could with one hand while the other worked the rope attached to his scythe. This was going to be bloody difficult, what with this position and lack of movement space.

"Die, you devil!" the enemy snarled, finally succeeding in whacking Hidan's hand away and pressing the chain of his nunchaku against the jashinist's neck, the metal links slowly digging into the wound. Hidan couldn't curse or even breathe, it hurt so much, but his right arm jerked once more and a toothy grin, like a death mask, found its way onto his face.

The nunchaku-wielding shinobi's eyes widened and he let go of his weapon, his hands moving instead to touch the three crimson blade tips protruding from his chest. Slowly, coughing up blood, he fell to the side, and Hidan scrambled up, groaning wetly and shivering as he pulled the nunchaku chain out of his throat.

The jashinist braced for another attack, but none came. Looking around, he saw nothing besides the bloody corpses of five of the attackers. Was that all of them? No, wait. One had run away, and where the fuck had that water jet come from? Hidan checked his surroundings but it seemed that the remaining enemies had fled.

"Che! Cowardly fuckers-" The jashinist coughed up more blood, cursing. Suddenly he remembered that useless piece of baggage by the fire. Hidan headed back, not that he could do a thing if the idiot was dying.

"Oi, you still alive, you fucking..." The jashinist stopped on his tracks.

Abel was sitting straight again, and had taken off his Akatsuki cloak. He held the garment in his hands, poking a finger through one of the three holes in the back and sighing.

"Not even a week and I have to darn it already..."

"You... what the hell happened with you?" Hidan snapped.

"Um." The catholic priest looked sheepish. "I didn't get hit as badly as it seemed, I guess."

"So you were just playing dead all this damn time?"

"You were doing so well on your own, Hidan-san. I was planning a surprise attack, you know, but you didn't seem to need much help."

"Yeah right, you asshole." Hidan snorted, blood and air gurgling in his torn throat.

"Hidan-san? You're... bleeding."

"No shit sherlock." The jasninist held a hand to his throat, remembering something said earlier. "You said you're good with needle and thread, right?"

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**RB: **I think someone might have gone a tiny bit overboard with the gore. Or not.

**Hidan:** Man, that felt good. It's been a while since I've got to actually kill people! Maybe these bloody morons will even let me sacrifice someone soon...

**WS7:** He's like a little kid on Christmas. How twistedly cute.

**RB:** … Anyway. The next chapter is called **Fragments of Faith** and I won't say a thing about when it comes out, since whenever I try to even vaguely promise anything, we just end up being even more late.


	10. Fragments of Faith

**Rb:** Surprise! We're not dead!

**WS7:** Instead we finally returned to spread some Christmas spirit in the form of an extra-long chapter. 8D

**Rb:** Hooray for the Christian-'adopted' pagan festival of light, and all associated holidays from all religions and non-religions!

**Abel:** Um. I'm sure I'm supposed to do a disclaimer here... something about the authors not owning anything or not making any profit... but I seem to have misplaced the note...

**WS7: **Thanks to all you who've been patient and kind enough to stay with us all this time. The story will continue.

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**10. Fragments of Faith**

Abel's feet ached. Hidan-san kept a faster pace than one might think, but thanks to that they were at least getting out of the forest. A familiar village nested by a small river up ahead, the tall casino building easily distinguishable even from this far. For a moment the catholic priest wondered whether the black-clad ninjas held a grudge. Hidan-san had, after all, killed two of them.

Hidan-san was usually nice, if a bit rude on the surface, but Abel didn't really know what to make of the albino's habit of taking his enemies' lives without remorse. It made him uneasy, like he was paired up with an inquisitor or something. He didn't really know how to take up the matter with his travelling companion without seeming to blame the other man.

The tight-packed dirt road gave way to occasional cobblestones under Abel's tired feet and soon the two travellers entered the village.

"Where now, Hidan-san?"

"The hell I know." Hidan grunted and looked around. "I guess we should go beat information out of the people who were chasing you last time."

Abel remembered the old woman and shuddered.

"I... do you really think those people know?"

"If they don't, they'll know someone who does. That's how it works."

Hidan's words made sense, in a way. Abel didn't think, though, that he really wanted to return to that restaurant...

"So." The jashinist's voice cut short Abel's train of thought. "What the fuck did you even do to piss them off?"

Abel smiled uncertainly, a corner of his mouth twitching while beads of cold sweat appeared on his forehead. Hidan-san probably wouldn't be impressed by his reasons, not at all. "Well, there's a restaurant down that way." He pointed down a familiar road. "And I... how could I have known they don't accept dinars?"

"And?" Hidan was sounding impatient and a bit annoyed.

"They took me to their boss and he wanted me to work for him, I think. I really didn't want to. That's the part where they got a bit overly aggressive." Abel scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

As expected, Hidan didn't look impressed. Rather, he was looking at Abel like the taller man was some kind of a retard.

"Why the hell didn't you say so in the first place!"

"You didn't a-"

"At least _this _might not end up being a complete waste of time. So, where the fuck is that place?"

"That way somewhere." Abel pointed and smiled. "I'm not sure where exactly, but when we're close enough I'm sure I can locate the place. Their dumplings smell delicious."

Hidan looked at Abel for a second and then started walking, mumbling to himself. "You fucking gotta be kidding me."

.§.

The once so ominous door flew off its hinges from the force of Hidan's kick, landing heavily on the expensive carpet of the restaurant's upstairs office. Abel winced a little, wondering idly how much collateral damage would still be caused.

In the room Abel could see the two gorillas that had originally dragged him into the room to be questioned, and with them three other strong-looking people, clearly expecting an intrusion like this. The cigar-smoking man wasn't there though.

"So, which one of you fuckers knows where we can find this 'The Father' guy?" Hidan drew his red three-bladed scythe and the five thugs' eyes were drawn to the weapon. Abel wondered whether he should prepare to stop Hidan-san from killing everyone again.

The thugs didn't seem to want to cooperate. One of the two gorillas was cracking his knuckles and one of the three others had dug out a jutta and was tapping it against his palm.

"Oh Jashin." Hidan groaned. "I fucking hate these kind of things. Beating people halfway dead's a mortal sin! That's why I hate bloody detective work."

Hidan took a few steps forward to meet the charge of the gorilla originally standing next to the fallen door. The huge block of a man was snarling like a beast, looking like he intended to tear both Hidan and Abel to shreds with his bare hands.

Abel blinked, and Hidan and the huge thug had already reached each other. The thug threw a punch at Hidan's head, one that looked like it could crush bones. But Hidan suddenly wasn't in front of the gorilla any more. The albino had sidestepped the attacker and dodged his fists, ending up behind the thug's exposed back. The gorilla was fast enough to turn around, poised for another strike, only to get skewered with the blades of Hidan's scythe.

"Hidan-san, don't kill them!" Abel shouted, alarmed. The men were just defending their restaurant, for Lord's sake.

A metallic glint flew in the air towards Hidan, too quickly for Abel to be of any help, but he couldn't stop his legs from moving him forward. A good thing, since another of the men, one with a strangling wire, attacked from the left. The catholic priest had placed himself on the man's trajectory barely half a second before the two of them collided, stumbling over each other's feet. The man rolled sideways and darted towards Hidan's back, but Abel fell forward, catching himself with a foot and propelling his fall towards the man. The priest clenched his teeth just before his forehead collided heavily with the other man's diaphragm, knocking all air out of him and causing both of them to tumble to the floor.

There were metallic clinks as Hidan blocked a few more thrown knives coming from the right while dodging the rest and attacking the thug who'd thrown them. The remaining gorilla charged from the jashinist's side though, attempting a grappling move from some martial art. Hidan dodged, jumping up to the wall behind the knife thrower.

Meanwhile, the strangle wire thug Abel had collided with tried to get up from under the priest but got an elbow in the ribs for his trouble.

A door slammed, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. The fifth thug, only one not yet fighting, had disappeared, and fast footsteps were fading to the distance behind the small door on the far wall.

"Oh no you won't, bastard!" Hidan growled, jumping from the wall onto the large desk and shouting to Abel. "Take care of these assholes, I'll go get that fucker."

"Eh?" The catholic priest tried to protest, but the jashinist had already disappeared through the door after the escaped thug. Abel turned back to the remaining thugs in the room and had to quickly cartwheel out of the way as a barrage of those arrow-like throwing knives the locals called 'kunai' buried itself in the floor where the priest had less than a second earlier stood.

Abel stopped, the desk just behind his back, and prepared for a fight. The thug he'd tripped earlier was getting onto his feet and the knife-thrower was trying to circle around to catch the priest with another barrage. Seeing no other viable option, Abel drew his revolver and held it steadily.

"Do not make me use this."

Unsurprisingly, the thugs didn't listen and instead the large one charged the lanky priest, hands up, ready to block as well as attack. Grimacing, Abel murmured a prayer for protection and aimed a single shot to the man's shoulder.

The resounding bang stopped everything in the room. The two less beefy thugs watched in shock as the gorilla-like one clutched his shoulder, crying out in pain, blood trickling from between his fingers as he stumbled to the floor. Their eyes were drawn to Abel, and finally to the gently smoking barrel of his gun.

"Stay where I can see you, or I'll shoot again." The priest stated, and the two uninjured thugs took a reflexive step back, lowering their weapons. Abel adjusted his glasses, which were slowly slipping down his nose while he carefully made his way along the window wall to block the empty doorway.

"I need to know where I can find your boss."

The knife-thrower looked uncertain for a second, stealing a glance at his companions. The gorilla man would have no part in the conversation, as he was sitting against a wall, trying to stifle the blood flow from his wound. The remaining thug squared himself and looked Abel defiantly in the eye.

"We're loyal until the end. You'll never get anything from us, bastard!"

Abel sighed inwardly. Why were people so difficult? He was only asking where he'd find the man, after all.

"I'm sorry." He spoke, weighing each word, making sure the thugs would understand the gravity of the situation. "I'm not sure you understood me. It's in everyone's best interest if you just tell me before my friend returns."

The air was thick with tension as the thugs stayed stubbornly silent. Slowly an oddly wet thumping sound became audible, along with a stream of curses. Everyone's attention was drawn to the small back door, which soon flew open. A mangled corpse flew in, landing in a heap on the carpet.

Hidan strode in, stained with blood that clearly wasn't his own and cursing an angry red burn mark on his arm.

"Man, that was freaking annoying. We better get going with-" The albino stopped, taking in the situation. Abel, holding his gun, the two thugs keeping carefully their distance and the large gorilla-like man squeezing a heavily bleeding shoulder, leaning against the wall to stand up.

Hidan stared blankly at everyone for a second before scoffing and suddenly throwing his scythe at the wounded man, nailing him to the wall.

"Hidan, don't-!" Abel yelped, almost angrily, but was cut short by a long, painful, final gurgle from the fatally wounded thug. His voice tight, Abel spoke again.

"We're not supposed to kill-!"

"I _don't_ leaving people just half-dead!" The thug slumped lifelessly to the floor as Hidan pulled back his scythe, shaking most of the excess blood off the blades. "It's blasphemy against lord Jashin!"

The albino turned to the two remaining thugs who were now backed close to the far wall, in fear for their lives. "So. Which one of you fuckers is gonna tell us where that cowardly bastard is? We're going to find him either way, and it's gonna be easier for all of us if you just talk. Not that it's gonna change a fucking thing."

Neither of the thugs dared move a muscle, nor did they speak. Hidan lifted his scythe ominously.

"Hidan-san, we don't _need_ to kill them!" Abel was getting vexed at the Jashinist's actions. "Don't you have any respect for human life?"

"Damn well I do! At least I don't leave them half dead! Where's the respect in that?"

"I only incapacitated him!" Abel couldn't believe Hidan-san was trying to turn the situation around.

While they argued the two thugs grasped their chance to escape. The one closer to the windows wasted no time in jumping through the glass to the street below. Abel spun around, just missing the thug, and Hidan gave an angry shout, turning to the window.

The second thug was only a little bit behind the first one, but this time Abel had enough time to chop the back of the man's neck with his hand, causing the thug's eyes to roll up into his head as he fell to the floor, unconscious.

"See, no need to kill anyone." The catholic priest pointed out.

"We still don't know where that bastard is." Hidan growled. Abel mostly ignored him and crouched down, going through the unconscious thug's pockets. There were some coins, which the priest slipped back where they'd been, a spare garrotte and a box of matches.

"You can go through a corpse just as easy, and they won't try to get you with a bloody surprise attack." Hidan growled, but Abel ignored him again.

"Ah! Hidan-san, I found something!" The catholic held up the matches, with a decorative logo inscribed on the box. The jashinist crouched next to Abel to get a better look at the logo. The text was elaborate golden script and said…

"Casino Royal? What kind of lame-ass name's that?"

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"Calm down, take a deep breath, and tell again. What just happened downstairs?"

The young man, one of the casino's dealers, took in fact several deep gulps of air before fixing his gaze somewhere behind the dignifyingly ageing man's left shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Father. The casino is under attack."

There was a moment of silence, only a thin trail of bluish cigar smoke trailing towards the panelled ceiling.

"The casino is under attack." The older man repeated the dealer's words, giving him a withering look.

"Y-yes. By two men. Ninjas, I presume." The dealer was fidgeting nervously.

"Two."

"Y-ye-yes, but they're very powerful! They kicked the doors in and are making their way upstairs now."

"Oh, they are?"

"Y-yes! They were wearing black cloaks with red clouds on them. We're waiting for your orders, sir."

The Father took a slow drag from his cigar. A small needle was left between his teeth as he put the fragrant roll of tobacco aside. He regarded the young man calmly for a moment, and spat the needle out. It hit the man precisely in the centre of his right eye, sinking deep enough through his brain to kill him.

"Then you should be protecting your family's house, shouldn't you?" The man regarded the now ex-dealer for a second, and put his cigar to a golden ashtray, tapping the metal twice with a fingernail.

"Jin, we're moving out."

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Abel looked behind him on the wide stairs, making sure no one was following. The carpet downstairs in the big hall was covered in splinters and scattered game chips, an occasional faintly groaning body mixed in. The priest felt a little guilty about the mess, but Hidan was just wiping the worst of the dust of his coat, so he supposed it was okay.

There wasn't much anything upstairs, only a single hallway, lined with doors to VIP rooms, and a carved door at the very end. Abel glanced at Hidan, expecting the senior member to lead. The albino marched straight to the carved door, muttering angrily.

"It has to be this one, it's always the fucking last one."

Hidan landed a kick against the door, and the decorative hinges broke. The door fell to the ground with a heavy thud, revealing the office room beyond. At the far end of the room a bookcase settled against the wall, closing like a door, and the jasninist cursed, darting forward.

Suddenly a chain flew from the shadows, aiming for Hidan's neck. Luckily the albino managed to lift his hand in time, causing it to wind around his left arm instead. The chain sparked blue, causing the sharp tang of lightning-burned flesh in the air. Hidan let out a strangled noise, all his muscles convulsing.

Abel whipped out his revolver, aiming it where the chain came from, but suddenly stumbled over an already cooling corpse on the floor, dodging a barrage of shuriken in the progress.

Swearing worse than Abel had ever heard, Hidan pulled at the chain, barely dodging the blade of the attacker's kusarigama.

The attacker freed the chain of his weapon from Hidan and landed on the desk. He was dressed in black from head to toe, only cold eyes visible from a slit in the headpiece, and even Abel could feel the killing intent pouring out of him.

"Go get that bitch of a boss, airhead." Hidan growled, his aura filled with murder. "This fucker is mine."

Abel could only nod and head to the bookcase door, quickly leaving the two to their fight.

The secret passage was narrow but well-maintained, and practically screamed 'trap'. If Abel only knew where the other end was… but as things were, he had no choice but to use the path laid out for him.

There was practically no visibility in the passage, with all its turns and sudden stairways. Abel needed to move fast, but he peeked carefully around every corner first, hoping that he would eventually catch up. Things weren't looking good, though.

"O Lord, guide me, and hasten my steps." The priest mumbled, rounding yet another corner and falling heavily over a tripwire. A hissing sound came from all around him, like dozens of short fuses burning rapidly.

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An explosion shook the building, a bloom of bright fire escaping the roof hatch. The Father looked at it approvingly. Jin did know how to set an effective trap. It didn't much matter that the building was unsalvageable. Casinos were easy enough to organise, after all.

There was only a short jump over a street down to the roof on the next building. The old man turned away from the smouldering remnants of his private escape hatch, and made his way to the edge of the roof, measuring the jump distance with his eyes.

"Please do not move. If you do, I'll be forced to shoot." Abel aimed his gun at the man's back, keeping the barrel steady. The hem of his coat was scorched and his glasses were smudged with soot, but he held his aim.

The Father turned slowly to face the priest, all signs of satisfaction wiped from his face. His voice was deadly calm.

"You've caused me a lot of trouble, boy. You were with the Akatsuki all along." His eyes narrowed. "First you rob my restaurant. Then you kill my underlings. And now you have destroyed my casino."

Abel shook his head slightly. "I haven't killed anyone. Hidan-san… his principles are different. Most of the people will be fine after a couple day's rest."

"It makes no difference. They failed me, their family. I will deal with them later myself."

The sound of breaking glass and lightning could be heard from below, accentuated with angry and pained cries.

"It seems your partner won't live long either."

Abel's grip on the gun tightened. This man… he saw people as nothing but tools, something to be used and thrown away once tarnished. He ground his teeth.

"Hidan-san won't die." A deep breath. "That young man in the study… was that your doing?"

The Father's answer came in the form of two thin senbon needles, aimed at Abel's throat. The priest dodged at a last moment, holstering his gun, and darted forward at full speed.

"It seems it was." Trapping the Father's wrists in his hands, he forced them behind the man's back and up, locking up his shoulders. Coldness seeped through Abel's voice, unfamiliar in its aloofness.

"You call yourself a Father, saying all the men are your sons. Claiming to create a family for those who have none. Using the hopes and dreams of others for your own gain. It's shameless."

"Those street rats are just thankful to have something to fight and die for." The Father growled. "I don't need a lecture on morals from an S-rank criminal."

"Say what you will." Abel moved a hand up to adjust his glasses, keeping the man's wrists in a tight grip in the other. "But repent for your sins."

There was a moment of silence. Even the ever-present sounds of battle from downstairs were gone, replaced by nothing but the wind. The quiet was suddenly pierced by shrill, psychotic laughter, and a scream that seemed to fly up to the skies. More screams followed, and Abel decided it might be best if he just didn't wonder what was going on down there, and concentrated instead on the task at hand.

" _'The Lord is our judge, the Lord is our lawgiver, the Lord is our king; He will save us.' "_ The priest quoted. "You should stop these schemes and direct your efforts to something more appropriate. Control will not bring you peace of mind."

The rubble that was not too long ago the escape hatch, shifted, revealing a hand. The hand grasped for a hold, and slowly Hidan pulled himself out of the ruined passageway, cursing.

"Ugh… fuck this." The jashinist was covered in burn marks and dribbled blood, but seemed to be in relatively good spirits. He looked up, and noticed the two others. He looked mildly surprised.

The Father, on the other hand, had the look of someone who'd had the carped pulled from under him, only to reveal a pit of scorpions.

"You actually got the fucker!" Hidan grinned, pulling out his scythe and approaching. Abel eyed the blood dribbling off him.

"Are you all right, Hidan-san?"

"Of course I am! We get to finally kill this asshole and carry on with the real missions!"

"What?" Abel narrowed his eyes a little as Hidan confirmed his well-buried suspicions. "There was nothing about killing!"

Hidan stopped, turning to look at the lanky priest in disbelief.

"The orders were to _eliminate_ this fuckface. What else did you think it meant?"

Abel suppressed a wince. He knew he was on thin ice with this, but…

"He's not much of a threat any more. The destruction caused here should be more than enough for the message to be understood."

"…I knew you were a fucking retard, but this is just too much." Hidan turned all his attention to Abel. "This godless pile of shit tried to sell us out to the fire country. Do you have any fucking idea what'd have happened if he succeeded?"

"Obviously, he didn't." Abel pointed out. "And I doubt he'll ever try it again."

"That's because we just fucking stopped it, you assbag! What the fuck is your problem?"

"After all we've done here, word will spread regardless."

"You can't actually be so naïve that you think he wouldn't just put us through this same shit again? Do you really think he'll fucking throw away his oh-so-evil ways and start making donations to fucking orphanages?"

"All humans value their lives. I don't think he'll throw his away in a vain effort on getting back at us."

"Wouldn't be the first time in the fucking history. Wake up, shithead! Around here you kill or get killed."

"I won't do either." Abel levelled a flat look at Hidan, who didn't even bother to answer. Instead the jasninist raised his scythe, intent on the death of the Father. Abel moved to intercept the blow, and accidentally lost his grip on the man's wrists.

With surprising agility for his age, the Father slipped away from the two, and threw a series of senbon needles, aiming for vital spots.

Abel only had time to turn around, but Hidan redirected his scythe, blocking some of the needles and continuing the move with a slash which drove all three blades deep into the older man's body.

Abel barely registered this, as he suddenly couldn't breathe. He raised a hand to his throat. A needle, meant for his spine, was lodged deep, forcing his neck muscles to constrict and block his airway. The priest tried to pull out the tiny dart of steel, but too little of it was visible to get a good hold of. Abel could feel the agitation in his blood, a compulsion to turn to a form that no mere needles would phase, and fought it. With sharpening claws he grasped at the needle.

Hidan yanked his scythe free and turned back to Abel, only to see that the lanky priest had been hit. There were senbon in his shoulder, just under his collar bone, and one that the man was slowly clawing out of his throat.

"What the- oi!"

Abel slowly pulled out the needle and pressed a hand against the wound. A sharp sting alerted the priest to the presence of two more needles, luckily in much less dangerous areas. They were easily removed. The priest looked at Hidan sheepishly.

"…Do you have a bandage?"

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Hidan looked reflexively around. "I'm not a fucking medic!"

"Oh, sorry." Abel pulled out a white roll from a small equipment pouch he'd taken from the hideout. "I have some."

Abel started to carefully wrap the bandage around his neck, wincing a little when the first layer pressed against the scratch marks.

"See now? That's what you get when you try to be Mr goody-two-shoes."

Abel paused for a moment, and then continued wrapping the bandage, a bitter tone in his voice.

"At least I was able to not break the commandments."

"What kind of… you know what, fuck you!" Hidan lifted his arms in mock surrender. "Get yourself together and we're outta here."

A moment's pause. Abel tied off the bandage, letting it settle snugly. Hidan shot him a suspicious glare.

"You're not a normal idiot, are you?"

"It's… complicated."

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**A:** *ahem* _We wish you a Merry Christmas, we-_

**Rb: **_We wish you a Wicked Christmas!_

**Hidan:** _We wish you a Fu-OW! … Sh-OUCH! … *sigh* fun Xmas._

**WS7: ***puts heavy book back in pocket* _...and an Epic New Year!_

**A:** The next chapter is called **Unknown Soldier** and will come out sometime in 2012... hopefully before summer. *meaningful glance towards authors*

**Rb:** Sorry, can't make promises!


	11. Unknown Soldier

**Rb:** Well. I _did_ say we can make no promises.

**WS7:** But surprisingly, we're not dead! And neither is this story.

**Abel:** Hasn't it been a bit too long though?

**Rb:** Shush! We finally got real life at least marginally together, don't spoil it.

**WS7:** Let's just get this party started... At least before someone else tries to interrupt...

**Rb:** Heartfelt thanks to everyone for sticking with us! :)

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**11. Unknown Soldier**

Were father William Walter Wordsworth a lesser man, he might have shed tears of unbridled joy. The grey laboratory mouse, fourteenth that he'd managed to send into the unknown after Nightroad's ever-fading trail, wiggled its whiskers in confusion in its cage, disoriented by the impossible journey it had experienced. It had no idea of its significance, or of the fact that it was the first of its kind that successfully made a full round trip.

However, being instead the renowned Professor and hence far above things like tears, he chose to rather wipe the dust of the other world from his newest treasure and smile proudly at it. Besides, an intruding saline solution could harm the delicate electronic insides of the beacon irreparably.

The device was beautiful in its simplicity, a disc of completely reimagined, innovative technology small enough to fit on one's palm. Of course the focus itself was only a method of keeping track of the subject and guiding it through whatever the matter in between worlds was safely, but it was the most crucial part of possibly the greatest invention in fully recorded history.

Stifling a yawn, the Professor opened a communications channel through his earpiece.

"Sister Kate, can you put me through to Cardinal Sforza? I have good news."

"_Did you do it, Professor?_" The holographic nun shimmered to visibility in the middle of the office, her face alight with anticipation. "_Can we finally send Father Tres after Father Abel?_"

"Ah, well, about that… It isn't that I wouldn't have perfect faith in the WWW Golden Chariot, but I'm still in the preliminary phases of testing and only just managed to find the correct sequence to send and recall both living and non-biological matter to what I assume is the correct destination. There's an interesting variation in the required wavelengths you see, as the biological matter responds most effectively to-" Father Wordsworth cleared his throat as an all-too familiar vacant look began to creep on sister Kate's flickering face.

"In any case, with a few additional tests, my estimation is that the Chariot can be taken into usage in three days or less."

"_Her eminence is in an important meeting at the moment, but I'll make sure to relay the good news to her. You've worked hard, Professor._" The hologram smiled and flickered again. The _Iron Maiden II_ must have been further than usual. "_You almost made it before the exam period, too._"

As the holographic nun faded the Professor's smile did as well. He'd completely forgotten the exam period, engrossed in his invention-work, and there were already piles of ungraded essays cluttering his writing desk! Loosening his collar, Father Wordsworth gulped. If he wouldn't get _everything_ working before the exam papers started pouring in, he'd be doomed.

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It was pouring. The wind had died down completely shortly before the rain started, and the dysfunctional duo had been forced to make a choice between straying from their route and braving the open roads between the fields, away from the cover of the woods.

"See, Hidan-san?" Abel brightly chirped. "There is a use for these silly hats after all. We're staying completely dry like this."

"You still look retarded in it." Hidan replied, annoyed as usual. "One fucking gust of wind and these'll be five metres deep in the field and we need to fucking _dive_ after them! Do I look like I enjoy shit like that?"

Abel turned to the jashinist, hoping to cheer the other man up at least a little.

"Try to think positive, Hidan-san. True, the hats are unwieldy and look a bit like lampshades, but-"

The priest was interrupted by Hidan's laughter. "Lampshades? Good one. …asshat."

"Eeh? But I'm wearing it on my head..."

The albino disguised his snort with a facepalm. He really wasn't sure if the damn moron was just playing along or if he actually was really that stupid. It was almost amusing. Almost.

"See, your mood has improved already." Abel beamed.

"Oh, shut up."

Still smiling to himself, the tall priest directed his attention to their weather-soaked surroundings. Though rainy, the picturesque countryside was a welcome change to the seemingly unending mass of trees they'd been travelling through the last few days. Countless fields were clustered around meadows of long hay, filled with water and thin green plants Abel was pretty sure were rice. The dirt road beneath the travellers' soles was wet and soft but thankfully not muddy or overly riddled with puddles, and far away the priest thought he saw the red-tiled roof of a farm house.

Though the sky was grey and hung low above the few scattered clumps of trees, raining down steadily and unyieldingly, Abel found his spirits oddly high, comforted by the smell of wet grass and the constant hiss of raindrops hitting water on the rice fields.

"So what's so special about you anyway?"

"Eh?" Abel blinked, his peaceful reverie suddenly shattering. "What do you mean?"

"I mean come on, that bloody Leader specifically sends someone to look for your sorry ass, then he goes and fucking recruits you! You just _somehow_ manage to survive the most ridiculous situations and _you don't fucking die of fatal wounds_."

"Well… neither do you. Not to mention the self-abuse…"

"Well are you a fucking jashinist then? Huh? Huh!? I didn't fucking think so! I'd ask what the hell you are but I already know you're a blabbering retard. So what the fuck is your deal?"

The tall priest looked to the side, instinctively searching for a way out. He didn't want to talk of _that_, not really even think of it if he didn't have to. Steeling himself, he looked for the right words.

"I… I am what I am. Does it really matter that much?"

"You're not getting out of this that easily, you piece of shit." Hidan was determined to get some answers for once. "Come on, do I look like I give a fuck if you killed a bunch of people or something?"

Abel threw a sideways glance at his companion, supressing a wince as the jashinist's comment hit closer to home than he wanted it to. This world hadn't been the target of the war of return, wasn't filled with reminders of his sin, but it didn't lessen the guilt. How could he ever talk of something that monstrous? Ironically, the first thing to spring to the priest's mind was a part of a passage that lady Caterina had once quoted to him.

"'_If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted?_'"

"Cut the crap already! You've been avoiding my questions long enou-"

Both men turned sharply towards a wooden creak reaching through the rain. Along the road though still a little ways ahead someone was approaching. The person had wrapped a cloak around their head and shoulders, and was pulling a small cart piled high with sacks.

Hidan pulled the rim of his straw hat lower, annoyed. "Is it just me or do random coincidences save your sorry ass every time I try to fucking ask something?"

A shrug was his only reply.

The farmer slowly trudged onward with his cart but it only took a little while until he was right beside the duo, passing them. Abel bowed his head a little to try and hide his face with his hat, hoping that the awkward moment would be over quickly. Suddenly the countryman halted though, turning to them.

"Excuse me kind sirs, is the Nakamura farm this way? It's a reddish house with two other buildings right beside it. Smells all the way to the road."

"We've passed a house or two", the lanky priest answered, doing his best to remember if he'd seen such a place, "but I'm not sure if any of them was that one. It's hard to smell much anything in this rain."

"Oh fuck's sake, we're in a hurry." Hidan snapped at Abel, turning then briefly to the farmer. "We don't know. Now get lost."

The jashinist kept on going, getting ahead of the taller man, who still decided to speak at the poor countryman before hurrying to catch up.

"I apologise for my partner. I'm sure you'll find the place though, if you keep looking."

The farmer only glanced at Abel, looking at Hidan's slowly receding back instead, and calling out.

"You... There's something familiar about you two."

The words caused the jashinist to stop and slowly turn around. There was a hint of a smile on his face, like something had just made things infinitely more easy and amusing.

"Well I don't know any fucking farmers. What are you carrying in those bloody sacks anyway?"

"Potatoes."

"Must be pretty freaking lively potatoes then, since I just saw one of them move!" Hidan drew his scythe, pointing it at the man.

Suddenly spears of rock burst from the ground, barely giving both Hidan and Abel any time to get out of their way. The supposed farmer stood firm with his hands together in a seal, and two more people jumped out of the sacks on the cart he'd been pulling, instantly adopting fighting stances.

One of the ninjas who'd been hiding in the cart immediately charged Abel, the other heading for Hidan as the earth spikes had forced the two to separate, dodging in the opposite directions. The ninja attacking Abel, a young man with scruffy brown hair, was wielding a katana with the air of an expert, and the lanky priest could at first only dodge the best he could.

The kunoichi with short messy curls on the other hand didn't charge at Hidan, keeping her distance instead and throwing a set of shuriken followed by barrages of senbon needles. The jashinist dodged and blocked the throwing stars easily, managing to avoid the needles almost as efficiently too.

The stylised leaf carved in the girl's headband made Hidan grin; this group could be entertaining after all. Still, the kunoichi was quick and almost as good as avoiding attacks as him. She needed to be distracted. The jashinist kept dodging, blocking and attacking while slowly directing the fight closer to the showdown between Abel and the katana-wielder. It didn't look like the bumbling idiot was getting much anywhere against his opponent anyway.

Abel had managed to dodge the first few attacks through sheer blind luck. These people were clearly on a level far above anyone they'd faced before, except perhaps those he'd met before encountering Hidan… speaking of the jashinist, he didn't seem to have any problems dodging both the attacks of his opponent and the dangerously unpredictable things the apparent leader of the group did to the earth. Abel himself could barely keep his balance on the unsteady ground as it turned to mush, opened to a crevice or spewed spikes at any given moment. And as if that wasn't enough, the man attacking him seemed to not only have the katana but could pull weapons almost out of thin air to support his attack.

"You won't escape me, you fiend!" The ninja declared, sheathing his blade and taking a low stance, hand on the hilt of his sword.

"Oh dear…" The priest grimaced, remembering a certain someone in the Department of Inquisition who had a similar habit for theatrics. "That sounds familiar."

Abel hit the ground, rolling, just as the ninja charged with incredible speed, his slash only missing it target by centimetres. The priest thought he smelled burning hair, but it was hard to say in the mud and rain. Quickly rolling to his feet to avoid yet another spot of sinking ground Abel retreated, trying to get at least some distance between himself and his opponent.

"Now, calm down. I'm sure we can settle this amicably!" He attempted.

"I don't negotiate with criminals!"

"Hotaka, concentrate. These people are dangerous." The enemy leader interjected, causing the swordsman to shut up and redouble his efforts. Suddenly pillars of rock burst from the ground all around Abel, closing in to encase him in a stone tomb. Spinning around to search for an escape, the lanky priest lost his balance and fell, miraculously finding the only opening in the jutsu large enough for him to escape.

Glad to have at least avoided getting crushed, Abel didn't mind landing in a puddle as much as he usually would, instead just standing up quickly and putting his glasses back on. He was forced to hit the ground again as quickly as he could though, as a familiar scythe came whizzing right at his head. The priest still might have lost an arm had the scythe not changed direction abruptly at a sharp angle, heading away again.

"Hidan-san, I'm on your side!"

"Don't get in my way, dipshit! I was trying to hit the asshole with the sword!" Hidan shouted while jumping to the air again in order to dodge another set of stone spikes, only to take hits from a barrage of senbon. The jahinist swore loudly, having long ago come to the conclusion that the annoying needles were probably poisoned. But now the girl was close enough. A slash of the scythe finally connected, though the kunoichi still managed to avoid getting hit fatally. Hidan aimed a kick at the bleeding wound, sending the girl flying into a field.

"Kuniko!" The swordsman's attention was drawn away from his attack against Abel by the plight of his friend, and the priest took the opportunity to try knocking the boy off his feet. Surprisingly, the ninja did fall but changed his movement into a backwards roll that took him next to the team leader to regroup.

"She can handle it, give her some time." The leader stated grimly. "Let's take care of the scythe bastard first."

Abel could barely raise his arms to block the worst of the hit from more sensitive areas before the heavy blow connected, knocking all air out of his lungs and literally sending him flying away from the scene and into the fields.

Hidan wasn't concerned. He didn't really have any time to wonder how badly the idiot had got hurt as he had to dodge a giant boulder the enemy leader had kicked at him instantly after sending the moron flying. The jashinist got out of the way, only to have to keep dodging various throwing weapons that the sword bastard was aiming at him. Spotting an explosive tag trailing behind a kunai, Hidan jumped back realising almost too late that the seal had been fake and a cage of stone pillars was closing in. Using his scythe the albino propelled himself upwards, escaping in the nick of time and landing on top of the stone structure as it closed. Hidan charged straight at the now momentarily defenceless enemy.

"You're mine!"

The blow connected with a loud clank of steel against stone as the enemy escaped with a kawarimi, leaving a rock in his place. His voice called out from the side.

"Now!"

Series of explosive tags on a wire surrounded Hidan in a heartbeat, letting out the signature hiss of detonation. Whipping the wire aside for a second the jashinist slipped outside, angling himself to take minimal damage from the explosion.

A searing pain lashed through his back and side, but Hidan easily ignored it as a minor annoyance. The numbness in his legs and some other parts of his body was much more worrying, the poison from before doing its work no doubt. These were some lucky bastards. It was time to get dead serious now, and sacrifice that Konoha asshole to Jashin-sama.

The joy Hidan felt from the coming slaughter was short-lived however, as he realised he'd been surrounded by bugs. Massive writhing, buzzing clouds of them. Their backup? Or had there been a fourth guy all along, waiting for his chance on the sidelines? Swatting at the flying pests had no effect, so the jashinist attempted to jump away from the cloud, only to have the swarm follow him, individual insects attaching themselves to his skin faster than he could scrape them off. The bugs were gathering around his mouth and eyes, making seeing anything or opening his mouth more or less impossible, and he was starting to feel weak.

"Sensei, we need to hurry. Kuniko can barely keep herself stabilised." A new voice spoke from somewhere beyond the swarm. Hidan attacked towards the speaker but the enemy dodged easily, causing him to stumble and support himself with his scythe and pulling out a ritual spike in case they'd try to get closer and attack now.

"Get the fuck over here and gragh…!" A mouthful of insects stopped the jashinist from talking.

"Good job, Yoichi." The enemy leader answered the new voice, as tendrils of earth rose from the ground, binding Hidan to the spot. Finally he was forced to admit that the situation was bad, very bad. He couldn't break free or really even move at all. They wouldn't be able to kill him, but the jashinist didn't like the idea of being crushed by a giant boulder either. There wasn't even anyone to help him out! Wait…

"Dimwit! Abel? Get the fuck over here and help me out! …please?"

The grim voice of the enemy team leader spoke. "Hotaka. Off with his head."

"Dammit, I'm not going to beg of you!"

Out in the rice fields Abel scrambled to his feet. Hidan-san was asking for help? Things must have actually got really serious. The lanky priest had decided to stay out of the way after he got thrown aside, but his neglect was about to get Hidan-san killed. Surely even he couldn't survive decapitation. The blade-user raised his sword, and Abel made his decision.

"_Nanomachine Crusnik 02, limited activation level 40% approved_."

.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.

The dunes of the Wind country desert were ever-changing, every breeze raising sand in the air, making the landscape slowly shift like ocean waves against the distant green horizon where the River Country, and beyond it the Fire country laid. The desert was quiet, shifting, but for a sudden impact raising a cloud of sand to the winds, leaving a round crater in the side of a large dune.

Tres Iqus, AX operative codename 'Gunslinger', straightened and looked around, taking in the surroundings and adjusting his navigational system to this world's magnetic field.

"Systems active. All functions at 100% capacity. Landing successful. Location: latitude approximately 36 degrees on estimate, longitude unknown. Distance to nearest settlement: approximately 20 kilometres." The android's voice lacked any emotion while stating the facts. Turning his eyes towards the distant line of green visible beyond the sand, he began his mission. "Activating search-mode."

§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.§

**Hidan:** Well it's about fucking time you got back!

**WS7:** Watch out, guys, we got a badass over here...

**Rb:** Ah, the smell of slow but steady progress is in the air. Not even Hidan's bad mouth can ruin this.

**H:** Che... The next fucking chapter is called **Releasing the Demons**. What the hell is that even supposed to mean?

**WS7:** Just wrap things up already.

**H:** See ya there then, assholes.

**Rb: **You guys ignore Hidan's fould mouth too, please.


	12. Releasing the Demons

**WS7: **Surprise!

**RB:** Lo and behold! We present to you the next chapter!

**Hidan: **Well that's a fucking miracle.

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**12. Releasing the Demons**

A crackle of static electricity jumped between the raindrops as a gloved, clawed fingers closed around the hilt of Hotaka's sword like a vice, trapping his hand and stopping the swing intended to decapitate the immobilised albino.

"If I could, I wouldn't have shown this form…" Eyes like narrow pools of blood, faintly glowing, regarded the swordsman from an ashen face crowned with silver hair reaching towards the sky, tips of sharp fangs peeking beneath dark lips.

The ninja tried to react despite the initial scare of Abel's sudden apparition but soon realised to his shock that the clawed grip was inescapable. With only one hand the creature had completely immobilised both his katana and his dominant arm.

The leader of the team dashed forward, aiming an attack with lightning speed at the tall priest's legs. Barely a fraction of a second before the blow should've connected the red-eyed man jumped, dodging the attack with ease and turning his attention to the team leader. Meanwhile the swordsman caught up to the situation and drew a tanto with his free hand, slashing at the arm constricting him.

Hissing, the priest drew back his wounded arm, releasing the ninja from his grasp. He took a step back, careful to not leave the side of his companion, keeping an eye on the enemy. The deep gash the tanto had left had already all but disappeared. The swordsman, now released, backed away quickly, and suddenly the Akatsuki members were surrounded by a cloud of bugs again. The swarm buzzed all around the two, but quickly learned to keep some distance from the red-eyed one as every attempt by the insects to attach to the ash-coloured skin only brought them death.

Abel started towards the enemy ninjas with slow, purposeful steps. The insects did little more than obstruct his view slightly and were subsequently ignored, as red eyes fixed on the group's leader.

"Lay down your weapons and leave." His deep voice had little trace of emotion, save calm. "I will not pursue you."

The team of three was in a loose formation, prepared to fight for their lives. The weapons user swallowed, wiping the rain from his eyes with a sleeve.

"Sensei, what technique is that?"

"My kikaichuu bugs can't establish even his chakra type." The furthest ninja, insects circling him, stated. "Coming in contact with it is fatal to them."

The leader gestured the other two to silence, his eyes never leaving the slowly approaching man. The other one should be taken care of while he was still trapped in the ground and could be crushed.

Abel sprung to action at the first hand sign, a gleaming scythe springing to his hands as if from empty air. He swept the blade at a wide, low arc, forcing both the enemy leader who had been forming the third and last seal, and the swordsman, to dodge. The leader jumped back, forming a new set of seals as the sky rumbled. Lightning shot forth from the ninja's hands, striking the tall priest in the middle of the chest with the smell of burning air. However, the bolt seemed to almost dissipate, forming an intricate web of arcs across his skin for an instant before vanishing entirely.

The team leader grimaced, realising that the longer this fight continued, the less chance they had of surviving, let alone winning against these criminals.

The crackle of the _raiton_ made Hidan stop his so far relatively successful attempts at freeing his scythe arm from the earth bindings and follow the fight. He'd been glancing over every once in a while, surprised that that usually clumsy air-head managed to single-handedly keep a leaf ninja squad at bay. Technically he was even kicking their asses and hadn't clearly tried to land a single blow! Even now that the enemy weapons expert was trying to catch Abel with a binding wire he just elegantly shoved it off with his scythe, not bothering to counterattack.

"Fall back! No arguing." The ninja team leader ordered, countering before the loud-mouthed swordsman had a chance to voice his complaints. "Your lives are much more important at this point."

A huge dome of solid rock burst forth from the earth, completely encasing both Abel and Hidan in a room of stone and darkness. The dome wall was thick and solid, withstanding several cleaves of the tall priest's scythe before a hole could be struck through and it was confirmed that the ninjas had indeed left. Scythe dissolving, Abel turned around and pushed his glasses up, blue eyes tired but calm.

"It seems they're gone."

"What!? And I didn't even get to pay back for this shit!" The jashinist struggled in his bonds, almost managing to get his arm free. "Let's fucking go after them! Don't just stand there, help me get out of this thing!"

"It's no use chasing them now. The sun will set soon and the rain isn't letting up either. We wouldn't catch them." Abel walked over to the trapped albino, trying to assess the best way to help him. The stone bindings looked tight but there were some gaps at least.

"You can't be serious…" Hidan groaned, finally succeeding in freeing his arm. "This is _just_ my luck."

"Well, at least nothing bad happened." The tall priest smiled, helping the jashinist out of the rest of his bindings.

"Finally! What the hell took you so long?" Hidan stood up, shaking some of the mud and dirt off his coat.

"Sorry, sorry. It's good that you're all right." Abel beamed. The albino looked perplexed, both surprised and a little affronted at the words.

"…_Huh_!?" The jashinist hit the other man's head with the back of his scythe. "What the fuck are you talking about? It's not like I'd have died if they'd beheaded me. It just hurts like hell and I can't move. Do you have any idea how annoying that is?"

The lanky priest rubbed the back of his head, hoping that a bump wouldn't appear. There hadn't been much force behind the blow but that didn't stop it from hurting. "Ah, I see… I didn't know you could have made it so I reacted on instinct." He smiled apologetically.

Hidan sighed, unimpressed, and scratched the back of his neck. "Seriously, you've got to be the second lamest person I've ever met."

Letting out a little embarrassed laugh, Abel looked outside again. There was no end to the rain.

"Should we just camp in here? I think I lost my hat at some point, too."

Hidan was clearly conflicted about the decision. To leave and have to travel in the never-ending downpour, or to stay and get bothered by every asshole trying to pass by? With their luck there'd be an entire battalion of elite ninjas trying to kill them.

"Is it just me or have there been a lot more annoyances and enemies ever since I was forced to start dragging you along?"

"I couldn't say." The tall priest shook his head, looking like he remembered something bad. "It's been a lot like this for me all the time. Though I usually find out afterwards that it was all organised by my boss…"

"Tell me about it…" Hidan muttered. "Speaking of which, what the hell is the deal with your technique?

Abel blinked, alarmed. "Eh? What do you mean?"

"Stop with the bullshit. The Leader recruited you and that alone is saying something. Your wounds heal instantly, you seem to be immune to poison _and_ lightning, and you've got some kind of another form with a weird name. Oh yeah, not to mention that scythe that appeared out of fucking nowhere. Where are you keeping it anyway?"

"Well… I'm not really keeping it anywhere, not exactly." The bespectacled man almost squirmed under the scrutiny. "It's just the weapon of choice, I suppose."

"That's not even a fucking answer! …Augh, forget it. I'm too tired for this shit. Let's go." The jashinist put his scythe away and walked outside, looking around for his hat, which was nowhere to be seen. "Oh _come on_!"

"I guess it did happen then. What you said about the hats." Abel exited the dome behind Hidan, trying to shield his glasses from the raindrops as he looked around. "I think mine is somewhere in that field over there."

"Shut up, featherbrain."

.§.§.§.§.§.§.§.

"There's still nothing, sensei. I don't think they're pursuing us." The kikaichuu bugs gathered to Yoichi, an occasional one scattering every once in a while to scout behind and to the sides. The group of ninjas was still on the move, making quick ground now that the forest sheltered them from the rain.

"I'm sorry I wasn't of any help this time…" Kuniko leaned against Hotaka's back, the swordsman largely supporting her weight to spare the kunoichi from straining her wound. "I got caught off-guard."

"You're alive. That's the important thing." The sensei, holding the front, stated.

"You wouldn't have made much difference anyway." Hotaka grinned. "You didn't get to see it but that tall guy was crazy."

"Well aren't you enjoying the situation." Yoichi stated drily.

The kunoichi sighed. "Boys, boys. You're both pretty, no need to make this a bigger deal than it is."

"Save your strength." The sensei spoke up. "We're heading straight for the village."

Hotaka perked up. "Are we going to go back with reinforcements to get those criminals?"

"Don't be so eager. That's for the Hokage to decide. We only met them by chance anyway. But I do have a bad feeling about this."

The tone of the words made the team obey the sensei's unspoken order of silence, and soon the ninjas were no more noticeable than the animals of the forest. What little trace of their passing was left behind the still falling rain wiped away.

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**Abel:** Let's hope nothing gets in the way of the next chapter and it'll come out soon.

**H:** With these two? Dream on.

**RB: **Hey! We're working on it.

**WS7:** Well, the next chapter is called **Unholy Confessions**. _That_ should be interesting.

**Rb: **You guys have _No. Idea._ *evil grin*

**A:** Oh dear…


	13. Unholy Confessions

**Redblade:** So, finally we throw this chapter at you. *nervous laughing*

**Abel:** After a customary waiting period.

**WolfSoul7: **Grab yourselves some tea and enjoy!

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**13. Unholy Confessions**

It took another day until the rain decided to let up, clouds reluctantly dispersing to allow the evening sunlight to shine over the washed-out scenery. Water was dripping from the leaves of trees and flowing in little rivulets on the sides of the road, the entire world lush, green and soaked through.

"And I don't care how fucking much it'll cost, I refuse to sleep somewhere that doesn't at least have central heating, king size beds and a food storage that could feed a small country!" Hidan ranted, Abel nodding absently in agreement.

"Do we have that kind of money though?" The taller priest asked, a hopeful tone in his voice.

"We better have." Hidan grumbled, digging around in his pockets. There were more to go through than usually since the two had, at Abel's insistence, discarded the easily recognised Akatsuki coats for more casual wear. Hidan had managed to find something relatively wearable at the third clothesline they'd checked, but the damn thing had way too small pockets for any kind of organisation to be possible.

Triumph flashing on his face the jashinist pulled a wad of banknotes from a pocket, rifling through most of them before giving up and stuffing the cash back to where it came from.

"Yeah, it's fine. Let's go."

"Uh… are you sure?" The taller priest looked apprehensive. "You didn't count them very thoroughly."

"Come on, have I ever been wrong so far?"

The sun had just disappeared below the horizon when a village came into view. It was only a few houses; a couple of shops and a large building with lights shining that looked like an inn. Distant sounds of conversations and general merrymaking carried along the road in the quiet evening.

"Jackpot!" Hidan punched the air. Abel smiled widely, eyes sparkling behind his glasses.

"It's been so long since I last got to sleep in an actual bed."

"I know, right?" The jashinist grinned. "And tonight we eat like fucking royalty!"

They entered the inn, Hidan leading with confidence. The locals paid the little to no heed, but being a small village along a well-cared-for road they must have seen and housed their fair share of both travellers and ninjas. Reserving two rooms went smoothly, and even cost less than the jashinist expected, much to his surprise. That being the case, the surplus money would go to a good use, now that Kakuzu wasn't around.

With a huge roast for each, they found a free table by a wall and settled down to enjoy the feast. The meat was juicy and a bit salty, and Hidan had soon eaten his fill, downright blissful at the all-too-rare feeling of a full stomach.

"Are you hoinh ho eah hah?" Abel pointed at the remains of Hidan's roast, his own plate somehow already empty save for a few bones. The jashinist looked from the other's empty plate from the expectant look plastered all over the blabbermouth's face, and then to the remnants of his own dish.

"…No. How the fuck-"

"Thank you!" Smiling brightly Abel took Hidan's plate and dug in, finishing the food in less than a minute. "This is so good! I could still have another one, and maybe something nice for dessert. As long as it's not any trouble, of course."

How much could that bottomless pit of a clown eat? Hidan had been pretty much starving and he hadn't even managed to completely finish one roast by himself. Still, the thought of dessert was tempting. They hadn't eaten properly for ages, and who knew when the next chance would come. It might even keep the moron quiet for a while longer.

"Sure, why the hell not." The jashinist slid some money across the table. "Get a bottle of sake while you're at it."

Abel rose from the table, leaving towards the kitchens, and took a while to return. When he did, however, he was balancing several trays of dango, some empty sake cups, a cup of tea and a sugar bowl, and there was a bottle under one of his arms. There was no sign of the money though.

"The cook said these 'dango' are a popular dessert so I bought some." The tall priest grinned, settling one by one everything on the table.

"_Some_?" Hidan looked at the airhead in disbelief. "You probably emptied the whole damn kitchen!"

Abel just shrugged jovially, spooning sugar into his tea. "Also, you didn't say how big of a bottle you wanted so I got the biggest one they had."

"Well… who said it was a bad thing?" The jashinist reached for the impressive bottle and grabbed a cup. "I mean, come on. Let's just enjoy this while we can. Right?"

The taller priest nodded enthusiastically, his tea already turning slightly viscous from all the sugar he'd put in, and bit into a dango. Hidan stole a skewer from one of Abel's plates and filled his cup with sake. For the first time in weeks, hell, months, he was actually enjoying himself. Drinking the first cup made him feel even better. Really, since they were already burning through the money like there was no tomorrow he could just as well go all out and have fun. The look on Kakuzu's annoying face would be worth seeing, too, and in the worst case scenario he could always just push the blame on that featherbrain. It's not like he could be killed that easily either anyway.

Funny thing, really. Now that Hidan thought about it he'd been trying for weeks to figure out the secret behind Abel's not-so-easily-killed –technique. He'd even seen it in action, but the bloody annoyance still wouldn't tell him anything! The curiosity was pretty much the only thing bothering him at the moment, and the more it kept bothering him the more annoyed he grew. And the more annoyed he got the less fun he had.

He had to get this resolved, once and for all. Straight-out asking had proven useless though, so he'd have to come up with a different approach. Pouring yet another cup of sake for himself – the fourth one – Hidan got an interesting idea.

Taking a second cup, the jashinist filled it with sake and set it in front of Abel, pushing the miscellaneous collection of plates to the side. The plan was perfect, so perfect that Hidan couldn't completely hold back his smirk.

"Here, have some too."

"I don't know." The taller priest looked at the tiny cup with a conflicted look on his face. "I don't really…"

"Come on, I'm trying to be nice here. Do you have any idea how hard that is?" The jashinist spread his hands in a mock-wounded gesture. "Think of it as a celebratory drink. A 'yay, we're able to eat'-party or something."

"Well… I guess one cup won't do any harm." Abel lifted the cup gingerly with his fingertips and took a sip before setting it back down.

"The taste is… different. Not bad, but different."

"What the hell did you expect, poison?" Hidan took the chance to refill Abel's sake while the other one was busy assuring him it was nothing of the sort. "It's easy to get used to if you give it a chance."

.§.

Hidan's head was buzzing pleasantly if a bit distractingly, so he was just a bit drunk. Probably. The plan had worked well though, even if the sheer amount of sake needed to get that blockhead in his current state was ridiculously huge. After the fourth bottle there'd really been no point in keeping count. Hidan wanted those answers and he would get them too, so he just kept the sake coming.

"And then the Professor, too, with his weird inventions." Abel sighed, taking a drink and filling his cup himself. "They all just love making fun of me."

"That's because you let them! You should just fucking punch them in the face!" The jashinist declared. "That'll teach them!"

"I can't!" the priest looked horrified. "They're my friends! What if I hurt someone permanently?"

"Meh, they sound weird enough. They'll be fine."

Abel shook his head, emptying and refilling his cup. "'_If a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand_.' Besides, I've made a promise."

Hidan tried to make some sense out of what the other was saying, but it only made his head hurt. "…house… div- What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

The tall priest focused on his sake, eyes slightly clouded. His head was swimming, darker thoughts surfacing through the haze. Voice barely audible, he looked for the right words.

"We… The AX… are the only thing standing in the way of a war that could destroy what little is left of the world. If we fall apart…" He downed his sake in one gulp, forcibly discarding any thoughts of a grim future.

"Well, you got depressing all of a sudden." Hidan's great mood fell closer to a normal level and something started nagging at the back of his thoughts. Didn't all this drinking originally have a reason? "To be honest I don't really give a fuck about people's pasts, even when I don't know half the time what you're talking about."

"You're such a nice person, Hidan-san." Abel beamed, though not as brightly as usual.

"Well that's fucking insulting. Say that again and I'll… I dunno, kick you through the wall or something." Hidan grumbled without any real conviction. "To be honest, I'm just curious about that immortality thing of yours. You know, since not dying is kinda my thing."

The tall priest took a deep breath and a large gulp of sake, brows furrowing in concentration as he gathered his wayward thoughts. When he finally spoke his voice drawled a bit.

"For one, it's… not a technique. It's just something I have, and have had for… as long as I can remember." Abel glowered at the sake bottles, though more sad than angry. "It's something that shouldn't exist."

Hidan's sake cup stopped on its way to his lips. With a sudden burst of anger he put down his drink, stood up and slammed the idiot's head down against the table, hard.

"It's kinda late to complain about that, isn't it? Just fucking deal with it!"

The tall priest raised his head slowly and groaned, glasses slipping almost off his nose.

"I know, sorry. It's just… so many people died." His voice cracked a little. "Entire nations were wiped out. If they hadn't created us… but they did. And we're all dealing with the consequences."

"Wait, what? Nations? I don't think- no. Look, I fucking told you already, I'm not interested in the past and shit like that."

"Oh, it wasn't here, in this world…" Abel drawled, a distant look on his face. "It was far, far away, a thousand years ago."

"_What_?" Hidan wasn't just confused anymore; he'd fallen off the whole damn metaphorical map.

The drunk priest let out a disapproving noise as he discovered the latest sake bottle empty, and started to go through them all systematically. The jashinist gave him a deadpan look.

"I think you've had enough." Things had gotten beyond weird, making Hidan wonder whether this had actually been such a great idea at all. And that practically never happened with anything.

"Really?" The look on Abel's face rivalled a kicked, abandoned puppy.

"Yes!" The jashinist pushed the impressive collection of bottles further away. "I mean seriously, I'm just trying to ask a fucking question. It's not that complicated, it's not hard to answer: 'I was an experiment in a lab. The end.' or something. But no, gotta try to shove the whole bloody fantasy backstory down my throat. And even worse, then they start to complain how fucking miserable they are and how all the bad things always happen to them."

"I was a genetic experiment, actually. We all were." The taller priest blinked, trying to process everything that was said.

"Why didn't you fucking say so? It took exactly one sentence! I wouldn't have given a crap about further info. I don't get science stuff anyway."

"I don't know about you but _some_ people don't like to talk about being forced to spend the first twenty years of their life as a lab rat." Abel growled.

"Did I fucking ask you to? Around here most people are some kind of lab rats of just weird-ass in general. But you know what? They don't really mind, since they usually know what they're doing with their lives. I mean that life's pretty much shit but it's still going somewhere. Hell, it's not like you're lost either; you've got that goody-goody cheesy quote –religion going on, right? You're doing great. I'm doing great! Our lives have a point, so stop complaining dammit!"

The general background noise of the inn prevented complete silence, as the two looked at each other, Abel blinking owlishly over his glasses.

"…I'm so fucking drunk." Hidan muttered, slowly facepalming. He stood up, heading slowly towards the stairs along a slightly wobbly path. "I'm going to sleep."

With that, Abel was left to his own devices and to the company of the decidedly empty bottles of sake. Scanning what was left on the table the priest noticed the corner of a banknote and brightened up. Soon he had a cup of tea in front of him, thirteen helpings of sugar and all.

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"Well?"

"What do you think?" Kakuzu held up the old scroll his mission had been centred on and with a heavy, wet thud threw something to the ground at the hologram's feet. Empty eyes stared towards the dark ceiling of the cave from the disembodied head of the target their client had specified.

Piercing eyes flickered momentarily downward and then back. "I see the mission was a success. Good."

"They won't cause any further trouble." Kakuzu nodded, pocketing the precious scroll again.

"Then you're ready to return to pursuing the main objective." The hologram addressed the next piece of information. "There have been some changes while you were away."

"Did someone finally kill Hidan?"

"No. He has been partnered with a new recruit. He will be a part of your team from now on." Pein answered drily.

Kakuzu lifted an eyebrow. Hidan was bad enough to have to live with, but now there was someone else who was, and even _could_ be, assigned to annoy him. Wouldn't be his fault if – when – the new guy got ripped to pieces. Unless the leader had thought of that… Kakuzu's eyes narrowed.

"What kind of a recruit?"

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**WS7: **Really deep, Hidan. Also rude. What do you have to say for yourself?

**Hidan:** *drunkenly singing Masochism Tango*

**Rb: **Um… okay. Anyway, **Bad Apple**, coming up next. Hidan should sober up before that.

**WS7: **Drink your water, kids!


End file.
